Aug
26
Hearing things we don’t want to hear…
Filed Under Uncategorized | By Morgan J Curtis
Part of both prevention and outreach work involves starting conversations with folks about the issues that are relevant to sexual violence. Oftentimes, we are tempted to water down our message, equivocate, employ euphemisms, anything not to turn someone off before we have a chance to explain our side, to bring them over to our cause. At TAASA, we’ve been trying to share more resources and start more conversations on the blog and our Facebook page. Thes
e means are much more interactive than even email, as people can see each other’s comments (however brief) and engage in a conversation about their thoughts and feelings about whatever we’ve posted.
When I had my own blog, I know I often found it difficult to deal with people who would respond to my posts in ways that I read as excessively negative, hostile or just plain disagreeing with me. Occasionally, those things were offensive. I have to admit, my temptation was always to hit the “delete comment†button so that I neither had to see nor respond to the comment. Of course, I didn’t really want my other readers to see the comment either. Sometimes I was scared to respond, even if I truly believed that I was correct and thought I could argue my point soundly. I don’t like confrontation. Period. However, at one point, I wondered what I was writing for if I was only going to ignore anyone who might not agree with me – who might be trying to engage me in dialogue about my beliefs. (Of course, some did this more constructively than others, and there are times to pick our battles.)
Rather than being a burden, this really should be seen as the opportunity we are seeking when we put our ideas or opinions out there. This is especially true in terms of sexual assault education and/or prevention. It can be difficult to engage in these discussions. They often become heated. We open ourselves up to criticism, and when it’s not in person, it’s all too easy to think about hitting “delete†to hide the negative or offensive comments from ourselves and our other readers.
To a certain extent, we have an obligation to address people’s concerns or thoughts about what we are putting out in the world. Recently someone posted a comment on a social networking site about how she was against gay rights because she doesn’t understand gay people. It’s easy to bristle at comments like these, to shut down, to respond with “Well, maybe she doesn’t want to understand.†If we are serious about trying to make change, we can’t limit ourselves to only interacting with people who already share our beliefs. We need to be challenged and to rise to that challenge. We need to seek to understand the perspectives of people who don’t agree with us and, when appropriate, help them to understand our position.
If we want people to believe that sexual assault is wrong (or that sexism or racism is wrong) when they don’t already think so, then we have to open ourselves up to it. We have to open ourselves up to hearing them express why they don’t agree with us. And we have to lovingly explain our own side. This is the hard work, the work we want to run from… But without this dynamic tension, there can be no change.
Were there times when you’ve addressed someone’s negativity or bias either in person or in an online format? What did it take for you to decide to address it rather than ignore it?
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2 Responses to “Hearing things we don’t want to hear…”
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I completely agree. When we have the cahnce(and it’s not making us irrationally angry) we do have a sort of duty to respond and allow others to see our opinion. I mean, they’re leaving their opinion out there on a social network for everyone else to see, and when someone expresses their opinion, we have a right to express ours. And when someone says we don’t, we remind them that it’s a public forum meant for expressing opinions.
I agree with Morgan and Kayla. In addition, real change does require engaging in these sticky and challenging conversations. There is a real lack of connection and relationship between people. We can’t get past the superficial “Hi, how are you? How’s your family?” stuff if we don’t take a chance and get beyond the surface. It is not until we get to that level that we can get at the true attitudes and beliefs that either lead to violence or support the growth of healthy communities. Without these conversations, it is too easy for people to get away with talking the talk without walking the walk. Thank you Morgan for reminding us of that.