May
18
Don’t Tell, Cuz I Didn’t Ask
Filed Under Uncategorized | By Tim Love
I have to admit it; I can’t stop talking about my heterosexuality. My office has wedding pictures prominently displayed. I never hesitate to talk about my partner and my kids. (I recognize that talking about my kids doesn’t necessarily mean I’m heterosexual, but let’s be real, when I do, many of you think of me as heterosexual.) I don’t really care if it makes you uncomfortable; I’m going to make sure you know I’m a heterosexual anyway.
While this seems a little silly to say, it’s true. I do regularly assert my heterosexuality, whether intentionally or not – it just goes mostly unnoticed because we live in a heterocentric and heterosexist society, where heterosexual is the “norm.” Just how heterosexist became clear to me recently when someone said her husband doesn’t have a problem with homosexuals, except when they tell you about their homosexuality. As someone who identifies as heterosexual, I have the privilege of being able to talk about my life and my identity, all of it, without fear, and I see heterosexuality portrayed all around me constantly. People who identify as LGBT in our society are pressured to hide a part of their identity and their humanity because of the serious repercussions of identifying as anything other than heterosexual.
For straight-identified folks out there, consider how many times you assert your heterosexuality or someone else assumes you are heterosexual in one day. Notice when it comes up in casual conversation – about family, about dating, etc. – as well as in other places, such as the forms you fill out. Think about how many times a day someone who identifies as LGBT has to decide whether to risk repercussions for joining in the conversation or hide a part of who they are. And let us know how the assignment goes.
Could it be that there is something even deeper beneath the sentiment expressed by the woman? It seems to speak to the thinly-cloaked hate that accompanies homophobia, as well as the complete marginalization of a significant number of our sisters and brothers and the fear and revilement directed at them. The oppression directed at folks who identify as LGBT is so deep that acknowledging one’s full humanity has become a social no-no with serious violence, intimidation and prejudice used to enforce the code of silence. What is it about the public conversation regarding sexual orientation that is so silencing, that makes some people so irrational, scared and hate-filled, that an individual expressing their humanity is considered offensive? How can we change the public conversation so that we can actually have a public conversation about this issue, and so that people can safely express their full humanity?
