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Today is the first day of school in many districts, and I’m so excited! I’m going to be part of our local Student Health Advisory Council (SHAC). If I were you I’d be thinking, “Poor thing, her life must be mighty dull.” But I hope before I’m through you’ll decide to check out the SHAC in your local school district. See if one even exists. (By law, school districts have to have one.) And if it does, is it a living, breathing, working bunch of people or a rubber stamp for someone who tells them what to do?

Uh, at least I think I’m going to be accepted. Saturday night I met our new school superintendent at a local community event. Right away, she seemed like an approachable person, didn’t have that “I’m the Superintendent and you may kiss my ring” demeanor. I’ve met a few like that, and I never talk with them unless I’ve had to for some reason. Usually I wanted a job in their school, so I kissed their ring and smiled admiringly, yet professionally.

Now some of you know I’ve worked in the sexual assault field for a hundred years (time does fly), so you may wonder what the big deal is about being part of a SHAC and what on earth it has to do with sexual assault.

Well, it didn’t mean a thing to me till Maggie Watson and I worked on “Just Say Yes…to Comprehensive Sex Education,” a TAASA newsletter article. (Shameless plug to those of you haven’t read it.) Being the curious, conscientious, we-need-help-and-information women we are, we read Just Say Don’t Know, one of Texas Freedom Network’s research reports, along with some other resources.

Oh good grief! (Those aren’t really the words I said, but I’m limited to what we can print.) I had a pretty good idea that responsible sex education in schools was either nonexistent or consisted of programs most thinking parents and teachers would throw a fit about if they knew what students were hearing.

How naive I was! It was much worse than I imagined even in my most critical moments: blatant misinformation, shaming, fear, biases and stereotypes based on gender and sexual orientation. (You’ll have to take a look at the report to judge for yourself.)

Both Maggie and I were shocked at what we learned, so working on the article together was one way to debrief! We found out that SHACs were first designed for parents and community members to give school boards and curriculum directors guidance on sexuality education in local districts, but now are also mandated to address the gamut of student health issues. So we said almost jokingly, “Hey, wonder if we could get on one of these councils? Maybe we could put our actions where are words are.”

The superintendent’s list of recommended SHAC members will be presented to the school board in September for approval. I’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, check out the Just Say Don’t Know report and see if your local school district is mentioned. There are a few promising practices noted; maybe your district is one of them. Just warning you, those odds are pretty slim. You could be among the majority. Let us know what you find out.

Football season in the small rural town of Bartlett, Texas is filled with anticipation and excitement.  After all, the Bartlett High School football team was named “team of the decade” after winning three state championship titles during the ‘90s. The not-so-typical thing about the 2009 football season is 10-year-old Danielle’s decision to trade in her cheerleading skirt for a football helmet.

For two years Danielle participated in the youth football league as a cheerleader. “She was not very happy and did not particularly care to be a cheerleader,” says her mother.  But she participated because “that’s what girls did.” This year Danielle decided she would not cheer but instead follow her desire to play football. Initially her parents were hesitant and for good reason. “You tackle like a girl” is a common insult used to demean a player’s ability (not to mention the obvious correlation to femininity as a weakness).  Her parents were not only concerned with their daughter’s physical ability to play football but her emotional ability to face possible rejection. Danielle was persistent though, and with her parents’ support embarked on a journey that challenged societal expectations in her town.

Danielle (#32) is wearing the blue jersey with gray sleeves.

Her immediate reaction to dust off and adjust her clothes after her “manly” tackle is priceless.

Danielle’s decision to play was not calculated to take a stand or to rebel against conformity (although it was a consequence).  It simply was to follow her heart. Often times following your dreams comes with restrictions. Danielle’s courageous decision to defy gender role expectations is exceptional. And surprisingly both her coaches and fellow players welcomed Danielle to the team.  “It (football) helps both boys AND girls gain confidence and character while building camaraderie,” says Zachary Buchhorn, a coach for the Bartlett Youth Football League. I ran into Danielle last weekend and asked if she planned to play next year. She responded, “nah, football is not for me. I just wanted to prove I could do it.” My heart skipped a beat! Her unwillingness to allow gendered expectations to stop her is awesomely refreshing and a standard we all should follow.

I just ran across this article in the Intelligence Report, a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center, that tells the story of children rejecting the hate that their parents espouse. As we think about our primary prevention efforts across the state, we can be encouraged by the bravery and sense of justice these children choose to portray in spite of their parents, and we can learn an important lesson about the need for comprehensive efforts that work to change attitudes across entire communities, not just within individuals.

“Overall, there’s not a lot of evidence that, at least in the long term, kids get their prejudice from their parents,” said Charles Stangor, who runs the Laboratory for the Study of Social Stereotyping and Prejudice at the University of Maryland. “I would call it more of a community effect than a parental effect. The community fosters tolerance or prejudice.”

We must remember that working with parents is only a part of the answer, but alone will not make the kind of lasting change we all hope for to end sexual violence. It really does take a village to raise a child, and it takes a village based on equity and justice, where violence of any kind is not a solution, but rather is condemned, to raise a child who can reject hate and prejudice taught at home to become leaders for positive social change.

What can we do, you and I, to build communities that raise peaceful, kind and courageous children?

I was able to stand in a circle with 22 youth and several adults and sing the theme song to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air last week. That’s right all you fans of Will Smith and 1990s sitcoms, I know the lyrics – do you? “Now this is the story all about how …” Singing (if you want to call it that) was just one part of an amazing morning spent with PODER (People Organized for the Defense of Earth and her Resources) staff and volunteers and the amazing participants in their Young Scholars for Justice program.

Our society has been devaluing and criminalizing youth for a very long time – as Young Scholars for Justice participants have learned and can tell you from experience. The result is that adults often assume the role of teacher, director, mentor and disciplinarian all in one when we engage youth in anti-violence work. These are all positions of power over youth, and this approach leaves them with few roles to take in that work. In addition, adults often believe that youth must be convinced that something is wrong – that they can’t see violence without adults showing it to them. This approach often makes youth reluctant to talk about their experiences and frustrations with injustice and violence with adults. Even with the best of intentions, it comes across as condescending and dismissive.

I remember when I was in college in a class of “non-traditional” students and the teacher told me that I would understand when I got older in response to my disagreement with one of her points. I remember how silenced and small it made me feel. When we try to tell youth how to use their voice, we continue to silence them. It is time we learn to listen, and work with youth in a way that recognizes them as both learners and teachers – as both followers and leaders. In the morning I spent with the youth at PODER and out in the community watching them knock on their neighbor’s doors and talk to their neighbors about the community’s health and safety, I learned more about using my own voice than I’ve learned from any adult in a long time. I want to say thank you to those youth, and to the adults at PODER who work side by side with these youth as equals.

Do you have any thoughts about or experiences working with youth in partnership and based on mutual respect and equity? We’d love to hear them.

During spring break my daughter (7 years old), nephews (13 and 9 years old) and I journeyed to Book People. While perusing, my 13 year-old nephew inquired, “Was Jesus really a Feminist?” He was referring to a book in my stack titled Jesus Was a Feminist by Leonard Swindler. “What does feminism mean to you?” I asked. “Girls who are mean to boys,” he replied. I asked the same question to the others. “I have no clue,” answered the 9 year-old. “The President!!” answered my daughter (an ardent Hillary supporter). She followed up with, “someone who is nice and fights for freedom.”

I seized the opportunity to discuss the principles of feminism in terms familiar to them. At the end of the conversation each child had a basic understanding of feminism and how it effects the lives of BOTH girls and boys. “Why did Sarah Palin not consider herself a feminist?” asked the 13 year-old. His knowledge of politics and his ability to construct a profound query based on our brief conversation blew me away. Sarah Palin and feminism in the same sentence is a subject for another day, however his curiosity raises an excellent question.

I believe children are feminists in the making. “Girls can do anything boys can do!” is the rally cry of young girls everywhere. The desire to excel and the demand of gender respect at a young age is a not only a natural component of feminism but an opportunity to congeal the principles. I believe in feminist principles, however until last week neglected to have a detailed conversation with my kids on the subject. It is important to make clear to our young boys and girls what feminism is about in terms understandable to them. Expected gender norms and harmful messages intended to define our children must be challenged. Take a moment to observe young children during recess and class projects. Humor, talent and intelligence trump gender. Success and winning are important, whether you’re a boy or a girl is not. With that being said, how is feminism perceived by the children in your life? Ask the questions, you’ll be surprised by the answers.