Feb
9
Looking for a few good saviors
Tags: gender socialization, masculinity, violence prevention
Filed Under Prevention | By Tim Love | 3 Comments
There are a lot of discussions and disagreements on the best way to bring more men into the movement to end men’s violence against women, children and other men. While I believe that it will take a number of different approaches and strategies to accomplish this, there is one approach that I’ve seen now in a few articles and heard in several conversations that troubles me.
Some people have suggested that we can bring men into the movement as bystanders who can intervene in violence by playing into the traditionally masculine roles of savior and protector. I believe that this approach can be dangerous and runs counter to our long-term goals to end violence.
To be fair, most strong proponents of this approach acknowledge that once men are engaged, they must be challenged to begin understanding the power and privilege, and therefore oppression, injustice and violence, that traditional masculinity is built upon. However, suggesting that we can bring men into the movement by appealing to their traditionally defined sense of masculinity is unfair and dangerous for all women, and particularly for our female colleagues within the movement.
Men brought into the work with this approach are likely to hold beliefs about male superiority and entitlement that often lead to negative interactions with women they work with. These interactions might range from men assuming and demanding leadership roles to continuing to demean and minimize the contributions and leadership of women and even to committing various forms of violence – be it emotional, physical or sexual.
Additionally, if we truly believe, as I do, that a vast majority, if not all the violence in our society is preventable, and that replacing some of our current norms with those based on equity is the only way to achieve this goal, then inviting people who are encouraged to hold onto and embrace the very attitudes and beliefs we hope to replace seems self-defeating.
In the long-term, if people don’t challenge sexism, male superiority and male entitlement, we will continue to have the same level of violent acts. A man who is brought in to intervene in acts of violence without ever being asked to recognize, understand and interrupt sexism and male privilege is not likely to intervene when norms supportive of sexual violence are expressed or acted upon. They may act to interrupt an attempted rape (which is important), but they are unlikely to intervene when they hear a sexist joke or when there is gender discrimination going on at work.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on engaging men in the movement and how we can accomplish that goal without jeopardizing our long-term success.
Oct
29
Listen up! Christopher says it does matter.
Tags: gender, masculinity, sports
Filed Under Vlog | By Linda Hunter | 1 Comment
Christopher Watson, a friend of mine and a longtime TAASA supporter/former board member, spoke out recently about how dumb it is to put down male athletic teams by saying they do something “like a girl.” We all know it’s just joking, friendly ribbing, right? So does it matter? Listen to what Christopher has to say, then let us know whether you agree — or not.
Oct
22
Golf – Man’s Last Stand
Tags: gender, gender socialization, masculinity, media
Filed Under Uncategorized | By Tim Love | Leave a Comment
Please take a moment to listen to this commentary from sports analyst and commentator, Frank Deford. About one minute and 35 seconds in, he ponders if the American male being â€rendered extraneous†is the cause of golf’s downward spiral. He asks, “How can sensitive modern dads disappear for hours on the links when they have to change diapers, carpool to ballet class and spend their down time getting in touch with their feminine side?â€Â My first thought? Wow, I didn’t realize I’m being rendered obsolete. Whatever will I do?
And then I recalled recent advertisements that have been trying to warn me of my impending doom. There is the car ad title “Man’s Last Stand†and the Dockers ads imploring men to “wear the pants.†How could I not have seen? All of this feminism running rampant and this reverse sexism are robbing me of my very masculinity – Americans’ lack of dominance in golf is just the tip of the iceberg.
How dare I be expected to be an equal partner in parenting? I only have daughters, so I shouldn’t have to parent at all really – they just need their mother. And how can I be expected to take them to ballet class (or soccer, or football or any other sport they might play in this crazy genderless society)?  I’m just a dad. And what is all this about getting in touch with my feminine side – does that mean I have to say “I love you†to my family and friends and acknowledge that I have emotions other than anger and actually, like, talk to people in a meaningful way? Icky.
Oh wait, that’s right, I forgot, I think that this concept of the impending death of the American male is, well, how to put it nicely, seriously flawed. We still live in a seriously patriarchal society, last time I checked. Women still make less money than men for the same job, men still have a stranglehold on the positions of power in our society (ranging from business to politics to the military) and sexual violence is still being perpetrated primarily by men at extraordinarily high rates against primarily women and children, and that is the tip of the patriarchal iceberg. Poor men, poor us. If the current efforts to create equity across the spectrum of gender (and race, class, age, ability status, etc.) are successful, what will we do if we can’t continue to enjoy the perks of our privilege?
My coworker, Morgan, put it best when we were talking about this issue a few weeks ago. She noted that people in positions of power begin to get uneasy and complain about being left out or marginalized as soon as there is a credible threat to the belief patterns and institutional structures that bestow their privilege upon them. The only way the American man will become obsolete as a result of a steady, but slow march towards equity is if he refuses to change and continues to fight to maintain his privilege. The way it is now, society is not working for women and children, nor is it really working for men.
What are your thoughts on the commentary, the ads and/or the idea that the American man is “being rendered obsolete?â€
Jan
20
Danielle Ramos Can Tackle with the Best of ‘Em!
Tags: gender socialization, masculinity, youth
Filed Under Powerful Women | By Rose Luna | 8 Comments
Football season in the small rural town of Bartlett, Texas is filled with anticipation and excitement.  After all, the Bartlett High School football team was named “team of the decade†after winning three state championship titles during the ‘90s. The not-so-typical thing about the 2009 football season is 10-year-old Danielle’s decision to trade in her cheerleading skirt for a football helmet.
For two years Danielle participated in the youth football league as a cheerleader. “She was not very happy and did not particularly care to be a cheerleader,†says her mother.  But she participated because “that’s what girls did.†This year Danielle decided she would not cheer but instead follow her desire to play football. Initially her parents were hesitant and for good reason. “You tackle like a girl†is a common insult used to demean a player’s ability (not to mention the obvious correlation to femininity as a weakness).  Her parents were not only concerned with their daughter’s physical ability to play football but her emotional ability to face possible rejection. Danielle was persistent though, and with her parents’ support embarked on a journey that challenged societal expectations in her town.
Danielle (#32) is wearing the blue jersey with gray sleeves.
Her immediate reaction to dust off and adjust her clothes after her “manly†tackle is priceless.
Danielle’s decision to play was not calculated to take a stand or to rebel against conformity (although it was a consequence).  It simply was to follow her heart. Often times following your dreams comes with restrictions. Danielle’s courageous decision to defy gender role expectations is exceptional. And surprisingly both her coaches and fellow players welcomed Danielle to the team.  “It (football) helps both boys AND girls gain confidence and character while building camaraderie,†says Zachary Buchhorn, a coach for the Bartlett Youth Football League. I ran into Danielle last weekend and asked if she planned to play next year. She responded, “nah, football is not for me. I just wanted to prove I could do it.†My heart skipped a beat! Her unwillingness to allow gendered expectations to stop her is awesomely refreshing and a standard we all should follow.
Jun
1
No Bleachers
Tags: masculinity
Filed Under Uncategorized | By Tim Love | Leave a Comment
An article I was reading the other day reminded me of a term I’ve heard used often. There was a reference to the type of man often mentioned within the men’s movement against violence – the “well-intentioned†man. This term refers to a man who would never act with violence against women or children, but who also wouldn’t see why he should be involved in the movement to end violence, and would certainly never call himself a “feminist.†I mean that would be weird to be a male man-hater, right? (Until you get to know me a little better, I’ll continue to indicate when I’m being sarcastic, as I am now doing.) These men are treated as the “holy grail” of the men’s non-violence movement – as in if we could just get them engaged, violence would end. They are thought of as on the sidelines, neutral. They are treated gently (we don’t want to scare them away or make them feel unwanted), and seldom held accountable for the role they play in violence.
Here’s my problem with the concept of “well-intentioned†men – no one is in the bleachers watching this violence happen in our communities. We are all contributing to the violence and we are all victimized by it, though some of us perpetrate and perpetuate the violence more consistently and some of us are victimized much more often than others. These “well-intentioned†men need our help to see the ways in which they (/we, as in my case) enjoy certain privileges as a result of inequity, injustice and violence. They must be held accountable for the ways in which they embrace and perpetuate those privileges. It is not enough to encourage men to intervene when they see violence and oppression, they need to do their own work to address the violence and oppression they have been taught, have internalized and contribute. If they are on the sidelines, then I submit to you that they are on the sidelines of the wrong team – of violence and inequity. As long as they are on the sidelines of that team, they can be called onto the field at a moment’s notice.
How do we create spaces that are inclusive and inviting to men who don’t think of men’s violence as “their†issue, while still making sure to hold them accountable for their contribution to violence and inequity? What tools do men need to challenge their own privilege, violence and sexism?