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All my life I have heard slogans. They all seem to start with a verb or demand action: “Give peace a chance.”; “Be the solution”; “We want (blank) NOW”; “Get out of (blank).”

What I want to know is HOW – How do I give peace a chance? How can I be the solution? How can I obtain (blank) NOW? How do we get out of (blank)? It is not enough for me to sign a petition, make a sign, echo a slogan, or go to a rally. I want to know how to shift the ownership of a slogan into personal everyday action. How can I get others to consider ownership? Where are the guidebooks for that? Where are the words and action plans? HOW can we shift from slogans to actual change?

I was naïve when I entered this field. I thought by the time I retired I would have worked myself out of a job. I thought hunger, illiteracy, poverty and other root causes of violence would have been conquered and put the myths to rest. And while I’ve seen little incremental changes over time, I know there is still more work to do.

The most important lesson I’ve learned is the importance of clearly understanding social justice and what it means to me. I’ve learned that changes in the system start at home – with words, actions and ownership. Then I learned that in order for me to “open it up” for discussion with other people, I had to be generous and deliberate. I learned that even though the work may begin with me, it does not, and cannot, end with me. Ownership and responsibility to the community takes time and effort. Creating change is worth the time and certainly takes effort. So what can we do to “own” up to change? To paraphrase Mack Brown: “Be LOUD. SHARE what you know. Speak about it PROUDLY, appropriately and OFTEN.” Slogans may be a great place to start. Which slogans will you tweak and then proudly own?

For a little more than a year I have been working in the primary prevention of sexual violence in Hays and Caldwell counties. Although I’ve worked in sexual violence prevention and sexual health education in the past, it’s been through primary prevention that I’ve found myself with a furrowed brow trying to wrap my head around issues concerning the root causes of violence. Through this process the famous slogan “No means No” came to mind followed by the natural subsequent question of “What does ‘yes’ mean?” In doing this kind of work in so many different settings, I know how often I have heard “No means No”—but in the Fall I realized that it is not enough. As educators we can’t just tell people what not to do—it is our responsibility to also teach positive how-to skills.

Traditionally, people hear about sexual assault in few cliché circumstances: Stranger rape or a rape in which one person clearly says “no”, and their partner continues advancing anyway. These examples grounded in myths can obscure recognition for the more realistic scenarios that are often a bit more blurred—What if one person says yes, and then says no? What if alcohol is involved—does it matter how much? What if a partner complies with sexual activity, but doesn’t say yes or no? What if it’s a long term monogamous relationship? And so on.

 

With those questions in mind, I came to the topic of consent and healthy communication. If we want to eliminate as much of the gray areas as possible, we need to focus on enhancing our communication skills. I wonder why it’s so hard for us to talk about consent, what we want (and what we don’t want for that matter) within our romantic and sexual relationships. If you think about it, we miss out on opportunities by restraining our communication. Who knows? Asking your partner about his or her desires and needs may give you more insight to their feelings then you could have imagined!

 

And I want to stress that this focus on communication isn’t just within a sexual context—being able to articulate your wants, needs, and feelings will be useful for communicating in multiple different settings. What makes you feel loved when you’re with someone? What makes you feel safe? Happy? Vulnerable? Excited? Secure? How do you even want your partner to make you feel? What makes one person feel really happy might cause anxiety in another. The most direct way to figure out where there is dissonance in our feelings and desires is to have conversations. Some of these initial conversations will be fun and exciting and some will be more challenging, but the benefits of being in a relationship where both people can communicate safely will be well worth the work.

 

Below are a few questions you can ask yourself and a partner to begin engaging in these important conversations.

 

Five Questions to Ask Yourself

1. What physical and emotional state am I in?

2. What do I want to get out of this experience? What do I want to give? (If you have specific expectations or limitations, letting your partner know in advance will help those needs be respected).

3. Do I feel comfortable talking about my wants and needs with this person?

4. Imagine my ideal relationship with this person. What does that look like? Is it romantic? Is it nurturing? How can I communicate what I want the relationship to like?

5. What holds me back from talking about my wants and needs?
(Just identifying for yourself the things that make having these conversations challenging can be a huge asset in understanding where you’re at).

Five Questions to Ask Your Partner

1. What is your physical and emotional state? (Have you been drinking? Have you had a good/bad day? What’s your mood?)

2. What do you want this experience to look like?

3. What makes you feel safe? What makes you feel comfortable?

4. What do you want to happen? Today? Tomorrow? Next week?

5. What are some of your boundaries? Physical and emotional? (Identifying what you don’t want is also a really important part of the conversation!)

 

These are just a few starting points I like, and lot of them will overlap, but that’s just where I’m coming from. What works for you? Let’s get talking!!!

The climate in our society over the past few months has been unusual to say the least. The issue of women’s health, contraception and the reauthorization of the once unanimously bipartisan Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) are unfortunately at the center of a political firestorm. Also front and center is the untimely shooting death of Florida teenager Trayvon Martin.

The parallel of interpersonal violence and victim blaming are evident.  “I am urging the parents of black and Latino youngsters particularly to not let their children go out wearing hoodies,” Geraldo Rivera said. “I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was.” The focus on victim behavior, attire, and history are ubiquitous in sexual assault cases.  The issue of victim blaming has extraordinarily become central in the media’s coverage of the tragic shooting death of Trayvon Martin. This polarization is unfortunate. April 1^st marks the beginning of Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (SAAPM). It is imperative that our efforts during this important month break through the political smokescreen.  We must not allow politics to relegate the issue of sexual assault and violence as a whole.  TAASA’s Executive Director, Annette Burrhus Clay, vehemently challenged legislators to keep election year political rhetoric out of the issue of violence against women, in “Toning Down the Political Rhetoric on Women”.  Because of this distraction it is particularly important to provide the facts, dispel the misinformation about sexual assault, and articulate the vital role of rape crisis centers in the community.

Social change work is also an important component of SAAPM efforts.  We must underscore the community’s obligation and responsibility to and of its people.  Addressing the underpinnings of violence is vital in creating a safe and healthy community for all to enjoy regardless of what we wear.  Together we can provide a unified and strong message during the month of April. TAASA will host a variety of webinars, blogs and social media initiatives. Let us know what you are doing for SAAPM.  Look forward to hearing from you.

For more information on TAASA’s 2012 “Get Social” SAAPM toolkit click here. For up to date SAAPM events during April visit TAASA’s  blog or follow us on Facebook or Twitter.

Okay we need to ratchet down the political rhetoric on the reauthorization of The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) and fast. Not to be overly dramatic, but lives depend on it.  I understand that election years can be particularly contentious and ugly but when an issue that previously garnered broad bi-partisan support becomes a hot potato I think it’s time for members of both parties to step back and self-reflect on their motives, tactics, and the realization that there are some things in this world more important than winning a vote or an election.

I have read news stories in the past few days regarding VAWA that have alternately sickened and saddened me. Phyllis Schlafly was quoted as referring to VAWA as a “feminist slush fund.” Another representative of a conservative think tank spoke of VAWA as “man-hating and divorce promoting.”  Some Democratic legislators are implying that Republicans that “no” vote for the current version of VAWA are in a “war against women.” A Doonesbury cartoon equated a trans-vaginal sonogram in Texas’ Sonogram Bill as “rape.” There are many aspects of this bill I do not personally support but calling a fairly common and safe medical procedure “rape” is ludicrous even in a political cartoon.

There are comments from both the Left and the Right that are lacking common-sense, civility, and fairness. These types of inflammatory statements might be the bread and butter of pundit-entertainers such as Rush Limbaugh or Bill Maher but we expect and deserve better of our elected officials.

In the past few days there have been several incidents in Texas that blatantly illustrate why VAWA is so crucial. We have seen a shooting at a courthouse in Beaumont where a man on trial for the sexual assault of his daughter  shot and killed an elderly bystander, critically wounded his daughter and shot and wounded 2 others, including his ex-wife. Several media outlets referred to this trial as “an emotional family dispute” rather than a child rape trial.

Earlier this week a female middle school teacher from Lexington was arrested for sexually assaulting both a 13 year old and 14 year old male student. The local media consistently referred to this crime as “having sex with her students” rather than calling it what it is, rape! And yesterday the news reported a story of a teenage runaway who was hitchhiking in the Austin area who was raped, stabbed several times in the chest and thrown on the side of the road. Miraculously she survived. All of these stories illustrate the critical need for victim services and the continuing need to educate the public.

The point in sharing these recent stories is my sincere belief that no member of Congress wants to see atrocities like this continue in this country. They may have some genuine differences in strategies and scope and in other instances may be toting the party line, but regardless the mud-slinging and digging in of the heels is unwise and unproductive. I implore each member of Congress to rededicate themselves to working through these differences and passing a comprehensive VAWA bill soon. Let your better nature and concern for humanity guide you.  Victims of sexual assault, domestic violence, and stalking can ill-afford to be caught in another cross-fire.

This blog piece was orginally published by Joyful Heart and 1in6.org.
If you walk into my home office in Austin, Texas you will see two posters – one of Emiliano Zapata and the other of Cesar Chavez. Both of these men struggled for the rights of the poor and oppressed and organized movements that changed society; however, the tactics they used to achieve this social change differed greatly. As his birthday approaches, I would like to reflect on the example of change set forth by Cesar Chavez.

Chavez once said:
Nonviolence is not inaction. It is not discussion. It is not for the timid or weak…Nonviolence is hard work. It is the willingness to sacrifice. It is the patience to win.

No one lived these words better than the man himself. Cesar Chavez modeled a deeper meaning of nonviolence, not just as a way of acting but as a basic principle of life. He realized that in order to change the world, he had to be willing to start with himself; therefore, in 1962, he resigned from his post of national director of the Community Service Organization and founded the United Farm Workers of America. Influenced by Mahatma Gandhi and the Southern Civil Rights movement, Chavez humbly led the union for more than three decades with nonviolence as the guiding tenet for all of his actions. Even in the face of violent attacks from landowners and growers, Chavez maintained his commitment to nonviolence, organizing and participating in successful strikes and boycotts, as well as fasting for nearly a month on several occasions to send a message to farm workers, who began to speak of responding in kind to the violent assaults against them. Chavez sacrificed personally, going days without eating, earning less than $6,000 a year, never owning a house, and leaving his family with no savings upon his death in April of 1993, but his sacrifice and dedication won fair wages, medical coverage, humane living conditions, and above all dignity and respect for farm workers.

It is for all these reasons and many more that a poster of Cesar Chavez hangs in my office. His image reminds me daily that with courage an ordinary man can accomplish extraordinary feats. This holds especially true in my work with 1in6. I have seen how the courage of one survivor coming forward to tell his story of childhood sexual abuse serves as the catalyst for others to come forward as well. I have also witnessed how the courage of bystanders taking a stand against social norms that perpetuate sexual violence has helped others question their own views and actions and how the courage of a loved one supporting his partner has made the long journey of healing a tad more bearable. Although it is often much easier to allow fear, doubt, and apathy to paralyze us into inaction, we must have the courage to look beyond ourselves for the greater good of others just as Cesar Chavez continually did and spoke of:

When you have people together who believe in something very strongly – whether it’s religion or politics or unions, things happen…We cannot seek achievement for ourselves and forget about progress and prosperity for our community…Our ambitions must be broad enough to include the aspirations and needs of others, for their sakes and for our own.

We at 1in6 believe strongly in our mission of helping men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives and through our work, we are beginning to see things happen. Recently 1in6 partnered with The Joyful Heart Foundation and NBC on a ground breaking episode of Law & Order: SVU “Personal Fouls,” which focuses on both courage and the role of bystanders. You can watch the episode (for $1.99) on Amazon, and please consider using the Viewer Guide created by 1in6.

In this time when so much emphasis is placed on self-preservation and retaliation, may the words and legacy of Cesar Chavez inspire and challenge us all to continue working in order to become the peace we seek in our community and in the world.

By: Emiliano C. Diaz de Leon
Emiliano C. Diaz de Leon is a Cultural Capacity Specialist for 1in6, Inc.
Besides his work with 1in6, Emiliano has more than a decade of experience working for multiple Domestic/Sexual Violence centers in Texas. Since 2008, Emiliano has worked as a Primary Prevention Specialist for the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault (TAASA) and since October 2011 providing technical assistance to the Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) Engaging Men Program grantees around the country as a Men’s Engagement Specialist.

The following piece written by guest blogger Laura Zárate (Co-founder and Executive Director of Arte Sana)contains a position statement written collectively by members of a national Latina cyberactivist group named ALAS. The position statment has been endorsed by agencies from Texas and across the country. This effort demonstrates a unified front working on behalf of society’s most vulnerable populations.
_______________________________________________________________________

The membership of the Alianza Latina en contra la Agresión Sexual (ALAS) has developed the following position statement to articulate some of the critical issues that may place other communities across the nation at risk for an incident similar to the child sexual abuse tragedy at Miramonte Elementary School. We also wish to express our solidarity with all who are currently working to help the local community heal, especially the victim advocates from the East Los Angeles Women’s Center and the YWCA of Greater Los Angeles.

On this February 14, 2012 our hearts go out to all of the victims of this horrific case who have had their sense of trust and safety shattered. We offer the following position statement in solidarity with national and local victim assistance entities, and dedicate this page to all of the voiceless residents in countless communities across this nation who live in fear: fear of retribution, fear of authority, fear of deportation, fear of the police.

A heartfelt GRACIAS to the following agencies and coalitions that showed solidarity through their endorsement:

A CALL TO MEN
Alianza por el Bienstar del Hogar (North Carolina)
Alma de Mujer Center for Social Change
Arte Sana (art heals)
Big Voice Pictures, producer of BOYS AND MEN HEALING
Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CCASA) 
End Violence Against Women International
Hollaback!
Indiana Coalition Against Sexual Assault (INCASA)
Mamas of Color Rising Collective
La Mariposa Enterprises (Oregon)
Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women (MCBW)
Minnesota Indian Women’s Sexual Assault Coalition
Moving Forward Gulf Coast, Inc.
National Alliance to End Sexual Violence (NAESV)  
New York State Coalition Against Sexual Assault (NYSCASA)
North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault  (NCCASA)
Latinas Unidas por Un Nuevo Amanecer (L.U.N.A.)
Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Rape Victim Advocacy Program, Iowa City, Iowa
Sexual Assault Crisis Center of Eastern Connecticut 
Sexual Violence Center (Minnesota)
Texas Association Against Sexual Assault (TAASA)
Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs (WCSAP)

The position statement is available to download in both English and Spanish here.

The new dedicated webpage also includes Los Corazoncitos art exhibit that includes selections of art from adult survivors of child sexual abuse, and the advocates who work with them.

The position statement development and endorsement process was an urgent attempt to give voice to the broad implications of the events that took place at a particular school. The families of Miramonte Elementary School are Read more

Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month is near! During the month of April agencies and organizations across the country will engage in a national effort to create awareness and change during Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (SAAPM). This creates a great opportunity for Texas agencies and organizations to localize a national effort. Your agency’s SAAPM activities will represent a ripple in the national wave of sexual assault awareness and prevention efforts. There is a saying about our great state: “Everything’s bigger in Texas” so as we begin planning our Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention activities, think BIG in our reach to marginalized populations, think BIG on building and sustaining relationships with various segments of our community and institutions and think BIG on creating sustainable awareness and change for the betterment of our community and it’s response to survivors of sexual assault.
The theme of TAASA’s 2012 SAAPM packet is “Get Social”. The intention behind this theme is to emphasize the connection between community, it’s stakeholders and our agency. It also represents the importance of collaboration and building of relationships in creating awareness and change. This packet will provide tools that employ both traditional and non-traditional methods through the use of social media, social marketing and social change.
Click here to view the packet and “Get Social!!” What are your agency plans for sexual assault awareness and prevention month?

Since its inception the “Slut Walk” events have carried a storm of controversy and have been met with both acceptance and resistance. TAASA responded with talking points and also created a space for staff to openly discuss their thoughts on the Slut Walk events. The results were featured in Soapbox-SlutWalk-Summer2011. A viewpoint missing from the national and international conversation is that of women of color. Below please find the collective response in the “Open Letter from Black Women to the Slut Walk”  
______________________________________________________________

We the undersigned women of African descent and anti-violence advocates, activists, scholars, organizational and spiritual leaders wish to address the SlutWalk. First, we commend the organizers on their bold and vast mobilization to end the shaming and blaming of sexual assault victims for violence committed against them by other members of society. We are proud to be living in this moment in time where girls and boys have the opportunity to witness the acts of extraordinary women resisting oppression and challenging the myths that feed rape culture everywhere.
The police officer’s comments in Toronto that ignited the organizing of the first SlutWalk and served to trivialize, omit and dismiss women’s continuous experiences of sexual exploitation, assault, and oppression are an attack upon our collective spirits. Whether the dismissal of rape and other violations of a woman’s body be driven by her mode of dress, line of work, level of intoxication, her class, and in cases of Black and brown bodies—her race, we are in full agreement that no one deserves to be raped.
The Issue At Hand
We are deeply concerned. As Black women and girls we find no space in SlutWalk, no space for participation and to unequivocally denounce rape and sexual assault as we have experienced it. We are perplexed by the use of the term “slut” and by any implication that this word, much like the word “Ho” or the “N” word should be re-appropriated. The way in which we are perceived and what happens to us before, during and after sexual assault crosses the boundaries of our mode of dress. Much of this is tied to our particular history. In the United States, where slavery constructed Black female sexualities, Jim Crow kidnappings, rape and lynchings, gender misrepresentations, and more recently, where the Black female immigrant struggle combine, “slut” has different associations for Black women. We do not recognize ourselves nor do we see our lived experiences reflected within SlutWalk and especially not in its brand and its label.
As Black women, we do not have the privilege or the space to call ourselves “slut” without validating the already historically entrenched ideology and recurring messages about what and who the Black woman is. We don’t have the privilege Read more

The topics of child sexual assault and sexual harassment have ushered onto the national spotlight. As the Presidential nomination process continues and the Penn State scandal unfolds, advocates across the country cautiously watch as sensitive matters are frivolously discussed across media outlets. Local, state and national sexual assault organizations have garnered words of encouragement and official position statements. In addition, we gathered the personal thoughts weighing heavily on the minds of TAASA staff.

A trilogy of blogs authored by TAASA staff as events unfolded.
PART I of 3

I AM WOMAN hear me ROAR!
By Rose Luna
Credit: Free images from acobox.com
Sexual harassment has been the topic of the month since the claims against a current Presidential candidate surfaced. On my drive in this morning I haphazardly listened to the radio when the following comment caught my attention: “Well women just need to distinguish between someone ‘making a pass’ at work and sexual harassment” the other (a woman I might add)said this “Well this last woman has no credibility, she didn’t file a claim like the others”. I jammed the radio button to silence the absurdity and quell my rage.
The flippancy in the discussion of sexual harassment was disheartening. And the lack of media critique on the dismissal of these claims as a “distraction” to “real issues” (in my opinion) undermines years of social change attained by the women’s movement of the past. Throughout history sexualized violence against women has been met with conspicuous suspicion. The focus remains on the victim’s behavior, dress and/or choices as opposed to the criminal acts of the offender. Sexual harassment in the workplace is also met resistance and doubt. Many of the victims primarily women, suffer in silence for fear of losing their job.

A 2008 telephone poll by Louis Harris and Associates on 782 U.S. workers revealed:
* 31% of the female workers reported they had been harassed at work
* 7% of the male workers reported they had been harassed at work
* 62% of targets took no action
* 100% of women reported the harasser was a man
* 59% of men reported the harasser was a woman
* 41% of men reported the harasser was another man
Of the women who had been harassed:
* 43% were harassed by a supervisor
* 27% were harassed by an employee senior to them
* 19% were harassed by a coworker at their level
* 8% were harassed by a junior employee

The stark parallels on the realities of sexual assault and sexual harassment paint a bleak picture for women in contemporary society. In 2011 the thought of powerful independent women is still met with skepticism. According to a 2009 sexual harassment study at the University of Minnesota,Researcher Heather McLaughlin reported “This study provides the strongest evidence to date supporting the theory that sexual harassment is less about sexual desire than about control and domination….Male co-workers, clients and supervisors seem to be using harassment as an equalizer against women in power.”
Hillary Clinton’s bid for the 2008 Democratic Presidential Nomination may have “cracked the glass ceiling” however the indifferent characterization of sexual harassment victims this past month exposes a renovation project far from over.

PART 2 of 3
Sexual Harassment is a voting issue
Annette Burrhus Clay- TAASA Executive Director (our fearless leader!)
Credit: Free images from acobox.com

Annette has been in the movement for over 30 years and is a nationally renowned authority on sexual assault issues.

I have been absolutely flabbergasted with the general disinterest by the public in Herman Cain’s sexual harassment allegations. Some media has kept the story out in the public but it doesn’t really seem to be getting any traction. When Cain publicly and unapologetically all but dared reporters to ask any more questions about it and then bragged that his donations have actually increased since the story broke, made me very sad for our country.
Why is it in this primary season we are much more interested in Mitt Romney’s religion or Rick Perry’s debating skills than we are of the blatant disregard and disrespect of half of the electorate? This does matter! First I hear this is gossip fueled by two disgruntled women and then two more victims surface. Next is the claim that the accusations are completely baseless, not even worthy of remembering they actually occurred. And then we find out a considerable settlement was paid. That was followed by the outrage that the victims were anonymous so couldn’t be trusted. Finally, two victim identities are revealed (through both a press conference and an outing) and the victim’s character and motivations became the headline. Is it any wonder that most women never report their victimization?
I have seen sexual harassment downplayed and joked about for years, so under normal circumstances I might not be so surprised by this reaction, but this is the primaries where candidates are under a microscope and their every word and action scrutinized. So why have so many people given Herman Cain a pass? Why is the treatment of women such a low priority? I wonder if it’s not the same reason why it’s so much harder to find Congressional co-sponsors for the Violence Against Women Act this session. Are we so concerned about the economy and jobs that we’ve collectively decided women can be the sacrificial lamb? I hope that’s not the case but I can assure you, women are watching and we are voting.

PART 3 of 3
Unthinkable complacency
By Lyn Williams
Credit: Free photos from acobox.com

Lyn is TAASA’s training director. He is a father, husband and an avid LSU fan.

I will soon be 62 years of age and I have been a college football fan as long as I can remember. I follow professional sports to a degree but because it has become nothing more than a business it does not have the same luster as college sports. For many years college football was basically pure in its approach to the game. Read more

Credit: Free photos from acobox.com Back in August, J.C. Penney was selling a shirt in their stores that had the following text written across the front of it, “I’m too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me.” (Brief pause for everyone to get their screams out.) Okay, so obviously the message behind the t-shirt is, let’s say, problematic. The message to young women is clear – don’t bother getting your learn on and don’t be smart, because all it is really about is being attractive so you can get men to do things for you. And this message fits in with a whole cacophony of similar messaging that exists throughout our society. As a human being, and as a father of two daughters, this message is unacceptable, demeaning and limiting. Thankfully, there was swift outrage and J.C. Penney pulled the t-shirt from their stores. If you’d like to read one of the blog stories out there about this t-shirt, you can click here.

I have written before about media and fashion messaging about masculinity and femininity, so I’m not looking to go through a more thorough explanation of the problem with this t-shirt. What I did find interesting was that shortly after stories about the t-shirt broke, one website challenged people to complete the following statement, “I’m too _____ to do my homework, so my _____ had to do it for me.” You can imagine a whole range of possible responses, but one from a friend stood out to me. Deborah completed the statement in the follow way.

I’m too manipulated by a patriarchal-capitalist system that tells me my entire self worth is dictated by how ‘pretty’ (determined by who again?) I am to do my homework, so my brother has to do it for me, which is fine because he’s going to end up getting paid more and promoted above me anyway, although if I bring this tidbit up, I’ll just be called a feminazi and possibly a lesbian.

Thank you Deborah. I laughed so hard I couldn’t see straight, and you reminded me that sometimes humor and sarcasm are particularly useful strategies when dealing with inequity.

Anyone else want to take a crack at completing the sentence above? It’s time to tap into that funny bone and let the sarcasm fly. Come on, it will feel good.

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