Jan

28

TAASA Diversity Task Force Announces Scholarship Recipients

Filed Under Vlog | By Rose Luna | 3 Comments

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Jan

14

“Letting it out felt good.”

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Filed Under Guest Post | By Linda Hunter | 1 Comment

So said a friend of mine about something she’d written.   We’d shared a bit about some of the lingering effects we sometimes experience as adults who were sexually abused as children. 

At the end of our conversation she said, “I’m going to write about some of this as soon as I hang up.”  She did and emailed it to me. I knew when I read it that I wanted to share it with you. 

She said, “Okay.”

Post-Holiday Blues

It could have been nice.
I baked those special sugar cookies mom likes and kicked them up a notch with anise and flax seeds in some, and coriander spice in others.
I made the gift basket and even found the Camphor tablets that dad asked for to make his healing concoction.

It should have been nice.
My son and daughter also made the trip to see abuela and abuelo.
Mom made a special post roast and took out her nice dinnerware.

But it was only somewhat “nice” because of a hug.
One that lingered way too long from a grandfather to his granddaughter,
A hug that I am all too familiar with and even called him on way back, when I too was in my early twenties, and after I remembered it all.

He never abused my daughter, and yes it was just a hug. Right? Or was it?
That one hug, that yucky, am I going crazy? Is this REALLY HAPPENING NOW? provocative gesture split me in two:

     Hypervigilant survivor in an “I’ll be damned if you do” mode controlled everything from where my daughter sat to the conversation.
     Devoted daughter tried to “enjoy” this family gathering with two aging and ailing parents with limited years of life, who have struggled to survive.

Yes, he has been confronted before on many things in addition to his lingering hugs.
Yes, my daughter confirmed that she was ok and that she just sees abuelo as “quirky.”

So was I imagining it? No.

When I shared my observations with my mother she confirmed “si me fije” (yes I noticed). “What?” I asked; “What did you notice?”

“He hugged her too long” confirmed my mother, the witness to my abuse, to countless hugs and other boundary-violating gestures by this man, my father, her husband, her rapist, and a survivor of child sexual abuse himself.

One of the tragic consequences of sexual abuse is that its damage lingers on for generations and permeates every aspect of family interactions and gatherings: Birthdays, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day…

There is never just one victim.

My friend is right.  Sexual violence harms us all.

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Jan

6

Some s**t just makes me angry!

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Filed Under News | By Linda Hunter | 1 Comment

In fact there’s a lot that makes me angry enough to scream, throw the closest object I can get my hands on or want to punch a hole in the nearest wall.  But I’ve learned the last one hurts longer than the satisfying release of emotion it brings, so after enough pain (physical and emotional)  and cleaning up the messes (of all sorts) afterwards, I found I could use some of that same energy to write whatever and however I want. (I save that for a journal mostly, not the blog.) Physical and emotional release and no crap to clean up.  Eureka!

And that works most of the time.  But when I read about some of the stupid cards (and more than a few fit that classification) available on the Etsy website, my first reaction was to literally shout obscenities. (I was alone thankfully and didn’t have to monitor my mouth at work.)

You may have heard about them.  If not, wonderful. At this point, I’ll just say that one is titled, “Congratulations. You got bad touched!”  The person selling the card chooses to be identified as “youstupidbitch” (not a bad choice I think) and includes this pitch to grab buyers: “Get creeped on, go through a heavy pat down at the airport, go through a colonoscopy and embarrassed? Know someone that has? Then this card could be for them.”

Not a word about sexual assault.  But the graphic is a drawing of a naked woman huddled in a shower.  Maybe it’s just survivors and those who work in the sexual assault field who would see the graphic and think “sexual assault.”  Don’t know.

After my initial reaction I thought, “We (TAASA) need to draw attention to this stuff. It’s just wrong, hurtful, disgusting, on and on.   We can put it on Facebook.  Get people to mount a campaign to stop it from being sold.”  I’d seen others taking action on the issue.

Then came the question I often ask after my initial gut reaction to something I find offensive or outright hurtful.  Is drawing more attention to (fill in the blank with latest issue) the best action here?  Or will that serve to increase attention and sales? Is this an issue or policy or trend where we advocate for change?   Not simple questions to answer.

Of course getting more information helps make the decision, but usually isn’t my first response.  Thank you to Narissa Johnson for a tweet leading to more questions about the whole card drama.

You can draw your own conclusions from those bits of info.  I thought “Wow, only four cards sold.” Thankfully, I am surprised. I wonder about the total of views. Maybe most of them were sexual assault advocates/activists checking out the offensive cards. I do know if I were the seller, I probably wouldn’t put any more effort into similar cards.

If you decide that taking action to remove the card from the Etsy site is the best choice, you can sign a petition at Change.org.  If you decide to contact the seller (who says s/he has received several thousand angry emails about the card), you can add to the list, though it looks like appeals other than anger may have a more beneficial effect.

Personally, I’m choosing to not take action—other than raising questions to you.  I welcome your responses and decisions.

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