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…well, since the concept of confinement. Until last century it wasn’t seen as a problem, as the entire point of the prison system was to torture in the name of punishment,[1] not reform, offenders. And felons are, even from a legal standpoint, lesser citizens in the eyes of the law, barred from voting, holding certain offices or licenses, or possessing firearms, no matter what their crime.

Youth offenders are in documented dire straits, with 1 in 8 youth reporting sexual violence committed against them: 6 of the 8 are reports against prison staff.[2] This is essentially government-sanctioned rape-as-a-weapon, not the media stereotype of inmate on inmate abuse. These are approximate numbers, as state prison officials clearly underreport these incidents.[3]

The Bush Administration created the National Prison Rape Elimination (NPRE) Commission as one of the rare compassionate moments of that administration, given the wars and travails against human and constitutional rights in other arenas. History is replete with the kinds of tortures born of prisons resurrected in government-run or government–sanctioned facilities around the world in our “war on terror.” Facilities staffed, in many cases, with American prison “experts.”

President Obama, as with the vast majority of the Democratic machine, railed against the moral and legal sins of the Bush Administration committed against foreign nationals in the name of national security. How that same administration could have any less a passionate stand on the matter of our own citizens, the least free among us, is impossible to understand given the clear recommendations of the NPRE Commission.[4]

This is an issue crossing party and religious lines. Wouldn’t the Christian Neoconservatives like to limit homosexual acts? The Liberal Atheists ensure humane treatment so as to maximize the chance of reforming a convict? Fiscal conservatives certainly want to lower the recidivism rate and reduce the cost to medically treat assault victims (and their resulting lawsuits clogging the courts)? And those involved in combating the kind of assault that rots family trees by its commission want it reduced as much as practical.

Attorney General Eric Holder doesn’t have to steer this ship: he needs to mandate that the recommendations of the National Prison Rape Elimination Commission, whose work started in 2003, are implemented, and not just accepted. And the Obama Administration, as it goes about the grim work of deficit reduction, must reserve the funds necessary for this work to continue through completion, and not be yet another example of bureaucratic ineptitude regardless of political leadership.

---

[1] The “Tucker Telephone” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tucker_telephone) is just one of several instruments used  by prison officials up through the 1970’s.

[2] Department of Justice Report: http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/content/pub/pdf/svjfry09.pdf.

[3] See “No Escape: Male Rape in US Prisons,” Joanne Mariner, Human Rights Watch, p. 70.; http://www.hrw.org/en/reports/2001/04/01/no-escape-male-rape-us-prisons

[4] http://nprec.us/files/pdfs/NPREC_FinalReport.PDF.

When it comes to this idea of regrets, I have an interesting perspective. As a child, I was raped and molested from the ages of three to nine by my father. Then when I was 16, I was raped by a stranger.The ways that society responds to incest as opposed to stranger rape are somewhat discouraging. I found that people are much more sympathetic to the idea of a stranger blitz attacking you once than your father sneaking into your bedroom at night for years. Why? Well, there’s a great deal of shame involved, certainly. I think it’s easier to say you were attacked by a random person than a family member. And when you report being raped by a stranger, you aren’t risking breaking up your entire family while admitting that your mom unknowingly married a pedophile and you’re his kid. Because believe me, that sucks. And I can’t tell you how often I actually wished that if I had to have been raped, it could have just been one really brutal stranger rape instead of all those nights in my own bed as a child. If I could, I would still go back and make that trade. If it meant that I could have had a father who supported and loved me instead of the man I actually grew up with, but then had to go through something really hideous as an adult, I would take that. Because the way I see it, when you demolish a house, if there’s a solid foundation you can start rebuilding right away. But if the foundation is shit, then you have to dig an even bigger hole and start from scratch. My foundation was shit. And then my house got demolished.

And those aren’t the only regrets I have, the only wishes and trades I’d make. I have no idea who raped me when I was 16. None. And I never will. I didn’t report it, there was no evidence collected, I never said a word to anyone until almost three years later. And I didn’t really tell the whole story until eight years later, when I was 24. I wish that I had. Sometimes I think, you know what, if it happened to me now, if it happened again, this guy would not get away with it. I think about how I would do everything right this time: go to the hospital immediately, do a rape kit, a police report, take care of myself medically and psychologically. I’d follow up on the case and make sure that the DA went through with prosecution, I’d get up on the witness stand and be strong under cross examination. I’d get a conviction this time. I would get justice. And that would make up for all the injustice of the past.

Just a few problems with this little fantasy. One, I don’t live in an episode of Law & Order: SVU. Two, I think I’ve experienced enough sexual assault for one lifetime; I’ll pass on the refresher course. Three, let’s say for the sake of argument that everything I stated above happened. One perpetrator was convicted. Does that really make up for the ones that weren’t? Even thinking that it could is such an impoverished brand of justice, it makes my heart break. Can there even be justice with such a crime as rape? I really don’t know.

What I do know is that there is a way to live after rape. There is a way to pick up the pieces of your heart and your life and your body, and put them back in a way that fits, even if it isn’t exactly like the original. There is a way to move forward without one eye constantly trained on the past, and a way to settle back into your own skin, your own soul. As for justice? From what I understand, justice is societal; revenge is personal. And I don’t believe in revenge. Except, of course, in the form of living well– without regrets.

© Sarah Ann Henderson 2010

I don’t know a sexual assault survivor who doesn’t have regrets. I’ve never met a single woman who didn’t say, if I hadn’t been walking alone, or if I had only fought harder or I knew better than to get in that car. No matter how many times people tell you it isn’t your fault, those doubts, those “what ifs” always linger. What if I hadn’t been out so late? What if I had screamed louder? What if I hadn’t been drunk?

What if I could have stopped him?

Everyone tells you there’s no way you could have. That the whole point of rape is to overpower, to control. It is not your fault.

So why don’t we believe that?

The best theory I have been able to come up with is survival. Our brains have an amazing capacity for protecting us from the worst shit, and have built-in mechanisms to defend not just from physical attacks, but psychological ones as well. Most of us have heard the term “fight or flight” and have a general idea of what it means. Overly simplified, it’s your brain’s spidey-sense. Those survival instincts that tell you, in the moment, that guy jogging over there is dangerous; I should or shouldn’t follow this person’s commands; now’s the moment I could maybe escape. That part of your brain is also the one sending out signals to your body that make your heart pound, your breathing fast, and cause adrenaline to rocket through your veins. It’s a tiny, almond-shaped organ called the amygdala, and it’s got a shitload of power. It’s operating on hyper drive before, during, and unfortunately, long after a traumatic event like a sexual assault. And I think it’s part of what keeps us stuck in self-blame.

Why would a rape victim prefer to believe that she had some responsibility in the attack? Because to admit that she was blameless is to also admit that she was powerless. If you had some culpability, if there was another decision you could have made to stop it, then you still have a crumb of control to hold onto. But when you fully grasp the concept that it was really not your fault, then also you give up that illusion of control. You have to accept the reality of everything that you lost: power, control, dignity, security, bodily integrity, and so much more. It’s a little different for every person, the things that were lost. Correction: the things that were stolen. And I believe it’s the unconscious reticence to fall into that abyss of grief and loss that keeps people blaming themselves. There is also, of course, post-traumatic stress disorder and the physiological hypervigilance that keeps you in survival mode, keeps you thinking and acting like you’re still in the attack. When that’s very active, I don’t even know that it’s possible to reach a place of acceptance like is necessary in order to grieve. You don’t hold funerals in the middle of the war zone; the soldiers have to get safely home first.

When it comes to this idea of regrets, I have an interesting perspective. As a child, I was raped and molested from the ages of three to nine by my father. Then when I was 16, I was raped by a stranger. The ways that society responds to incest as opposed to stranger rape are somewhat discouraging….

© Sarah Ann Henderson 2010

Note:  We are publishing Sarah’s blog in two parts.  (You can read the conclusion Thursday morning.) So for now, what are your thoughts about how “society responds to incest as opposed to stranger rape…”?  We look forward to your responses to this question and other ideas in Sarah’s blog.

The uproar over the current airport screening measures is being heard loud and clear. TAASA has received more inquiries on this issue than any other in recent memory.  TAASA wants to be cognizant of our collective security issues as well as offer a reasoned response to the legitimate concerns and fears of travelers across our state and country.

Our concerns are four-fold:

We are troubled by the potential for sexual assault survivors to be triggered by the imaging screening or pat down they experience.

We are also uneasy about the general public being subjected to such invasive and unnerving procedures that  have obviously made some passengers feel more violated than inconvenienced but safer.  

We are also worried that there may be some serious gaps in adequate training for TSA agents on how to best screen passengers who may have sensitive physical or emotional issues that need to be factored into the normal indignities of losing control and privacy over one’s own body.

Finally, we find it distressing that TSA’s own hiring practices do not necessarily preclude a sex offender with a conviction longer than 7 years ago from hire as a screener.

Let me be clear: my intent is not to demonize the TSA screeners.  They have a job to do, and I am certain the vast majority of them are doing this job to the very best of their ability.  They are following a directive, and one can be pretty sure this is not the best part of their workday either. I do not believe however that this procedure is well-thought out, as the unintended consequences illustrate. 

On the surface it seems the argument has been presented as one of collective security versus individual privacy. I would contend otherwise.   Is this screening reactive or effective?  Are these screening procedures the best methods for identifying potential terrorists? If you can refuse the imaging screening and opt for a pat down, what stops potential terrorists from simply inserting the explosive into their body cavity, like drug mules have been known to do, to avoid detection?   Will screening procedures ramp up to include full body-cavity searches if we discover terrorists using this method of transport? How far will we be willing to go?

Dogs trained to sniff out explosives are being used effectively in war zones.  Why are we not using these canines at airport security lines?  Have we explored all potential screening methods available to us? Were these methods chosen because they are the very best options available, or were they chosen in part because of simplicity or cost? I do not claim to have the simple answers to these very complex issues, but I do feel certain that we need to gauge the impact of these actions on the citizenry.

I implore the federal  government to find tangible ways to further minimize travelers from feeling victimized, while using all deliberate speed to implement less invasive methods of screening.  There are folks trained in victim issues all across this country ready and willing to help security professionals strike this delicate balance.

The Texas PINK OUT kicked off to a rousing start yesterday!  Check out how the Dallas Area Rape Crisis Center participated in this statewide (and beyond) effort to affirm that “People Are People” and discourage homophobia and gender stereotyping.
(Oh, yes…if you don’t blink, you’ll see some TAASA staff doing the PINK OUT.)

 I’d love to see (if you’ve got some photos) and hear (videos, maybe?) how you and/or your organization are participating in the Texas PINK OUT. (Send them to me at lhunter@taasa.org). Do you think the effort will make a positive difference?  Or perhaps you see it as “okay, gets some attention, but won’t really change much”? 

After I hear from you, I think I’ll have to say a bit about how it’s made me think more than I maybe wanted to!

On more than one occasion TAASA has received feedback that our social change/social justice focus is part of the “left-wing liberal agenda” and trust me when I say this was not meant as a compliment.  I am generally not stung by criticism and realize it’s impossible to be all things to all people, but this somehow has an uglier edge to it. Don’t get me wrong. I have been called far worse names than “liberal” in my lifetime, but it’s the intention of the label that I find most disturbing.  It’s both insulting and inaccurate for liberals and conservatives alike, as well as the majority of us who identify somewhere in the middle of this political spectrum.

As citizens we all have a responsibility to confront injustice where we see it. This is not a “liberal” issue. This is our obligation as decent human beings. This is not the work of one segment of society. We are all negatively impacted by social ills such as sexual violence, racism, poverty and the list goes on. Many social scientists, activists, educators, researchers and just plain folks with common sense and common experiences have come to the conclusion that many of these issues are linked in both simple and complex ways. 

Wanting to change our society for the better is a value that seems to be shared by virtually all political parties in our country. Granted we may not all agree on the scope of the issues or with the remedies to our problems, but make no mistake, giving a damn is not restricted to left-wing liberals. I believe moderates and conservatives may take issue with the assumption that only liberals promote social change and work to right injustices.

It is my desire that we can all stop using labels as both a weapon and an excuse for inaction. There is too much work to be done for us to be negative or complacent for the weakest of reasons: it wasn’t my idea  or you are using words that are sounding too much like the other guys. I would hope we could see where we share a common vision and truly listen and learn from one another. Labeling folks tends to shut down communication, not foster it. I for one do not intend to let others define me or the work.

 I would argue that we may be allowing a very small, self-selected group of individuals who are living on the extreme fringes decide what the real issues are and then demonize those of us who do or say anything that challenges their version of reality. I do not believe that common sense, decency,  compassion, and cooperation are dead, but they certainly seem to be on life support at times. Let’s stop working so hard to magnify our differences and being paranoid over the intentions of others and realize this work is too important to leave anyone out, silence one voice, or reject the contributions of others. Social change/social justice should indeed be part of the left-wing liberal agenda and on everyone else’s agenda as well.

 

We had a friend visiting this past weekend.  He was on the sofa flipping through cable channels.  I’m focused on enjoying a Blue Bell/Coke float—paying no attention to what’s on the screen.

But my attention perked up when he said, “I just read ‘one in five females is sexually assaulted.’ (long pause)  Is that true?”

“Yes, hard to imagine, but it is. Estimates depend on what study is used.”

Then I added, “and one in six men.”  (l-o-n-g-e-r  pause)

Silence.  End of conversation.  The TV screen had moved on to something else and neither of us said more.

I’ve thought about that exchange several times since – especially about the silence, about what felt like an abrupt end of conversation.  It’s not usual for me to just let that sort of conversation drop (I’ve been having those conversations for a long time).  But this was different. It was with someone close to me, about a subject close to me… I said no more.  And neither did he.

Thankfully, the silence about male sexual abuse is broken more and more often.  Today on the Oprah Winfrey show 200 men will step forward to speak about their own childhood sexual abuse.  It’s the first of two episodes.

The first episode on Friday, Nov. 5, begins as each member of the audience holds a photo of himself at the age at which he says he was first abused. Then, joined by Oprah, Tyler [Perry] and Dr. Howard Fradkin, a psychologist who specializes in working with male survivors of sexual abuse and assault, the men come forward to share their stories and experiences.

In the second episode on Friday, Nov. 12, the men are joined by their spouses, partners and girlfriends to talk about the affects abuse has had on their relationships.

You can read Oprah and Tyler Perry Raise Awareness about Male Sexual Abuse on RAINN’s website to learn more about  male sexual abuse, the program and some of the participants.

I plan to watch and celebrate the breaking of silence as each man speaks.

And I commit to doing more than just bring up the subject of male sexual abuse and  sexual assault.  I will try to provide an opening for the men I know to ask questions, to tell a friend’s experience – or their own – if they choose.

Resources: www.1in6.org;  www.malesurvivor.org; www.rainn.org

Christopher Watson, a friend of mine and a longtime TAASA supporter/former board member, spoke out recently about how dumb it is to put down male athletic teams by saying they do something “like a girl.”  We all know it’s just joking, friendly ribbing, right?  So does it matter?  Listen to what Christopher has to say, then let us know whether you agree — or not.

Please take a moment to listen to this commentary from sports analyst and commentator, Frank Deford. About one minute and 35 seconds in, he ponders if the American male being ”rendered extraneous” is the cause of golf’s downward spiral. He asks, “How can sensitive modern dads disappear for hours on the links when they have to change diapers, carpool to ballet class and spend their down time getting in touch with their feminine side?”  My first thought? Wow, I didn’t realize I’m being rendered obsolete. Whatever will I do?

And then I recalled recent advertisements that have been trying to warn me of my impending doom. There is the car ad title “Man’s Last Stand” and the Dockers ads imploring men to “wear the pants.” How could I not have seen? All of this feminism running rampant and this reverse sexism are robbing me of my very masculinity – Americans’ lack of dominance in golf is just the tip of the iceberg.

How dare I be expected to be an equal partner in parenting? I only have daughters, so I shouldn’t have to parent at all really – they just need their mother. And how can I be expected to take them to ballet class (or soccer, or football or any other sport they might play in this crazy genderless society)?  I’m just a dad. And what is all this about getting in touch with my feminine side – does that mean I have to say “I love you” to my family and friends and acknowledge that I have emotions other than anger and actually, like, talk to people in a meaningful way? Icky.

Oh wait, that’s right, I forgot, I think that this concept of the impending death of the American male is, well, how to put it nicely, seriously flawed. We still live in a seriously patriarchal society, last time I checked. Women still make less money than men for the same job, men still have a stranglehold on the positions of power in our society (ranging from business to politics to the military) and sexual violence is still being perpetrated primarily by men at extraordinarily high rates against primarily women and children, and that is the tip of the patriarchal iceberg. Poor men, poor us. If the current efforts to create equity across the spectrum of gender (and race, class, age, ability status, etc.) are successful, what will we do if we can’t continue to enjoy the perks of our privilege?

My coworker, Morgan, put it best when we were talking about this issue a few weeks ago. She noted that people in positions of power begin to get uneasy and complain about being left out or marginalized as soon as there is a credible threat to the belief patterns and institutional structures that bestow their privilege upon them. The only way the American man will become obsolete as a result of a steady, but slow march towards equity is if he refuses to change and continues to fight to maintain his privilege. The way it is now, society is not working for women and children, nor is it really working for men.

What are your thoughts on the commentary, the ads and/or the idea that the American man is “being rendered obsolete?”

Advocates from across Texas gathered this summer to get a comprehensive look at legal issues they and survivors might face after a sexual assault. During each two-day training (led by Chris Kaiser, TAASA staff attorney) advocates joined in lively discussions, asking questions about practical issues from their own communities and planning how they might use the new information they’d learned to better assist sexual assault survivors.

Following the last training in South Padre, Oralia Juare (Harlingen-Family Crisis Center) and Graziela Villegas (Pasadena-Bridge Over Troubled Waters) volunteered to share some of their responses on camera.

Check out the video to hear what they had to say!

Whether or not you attended one of these trainings, if there’s something you’d like to ask or share about legal advocacy, let us hear from you in the comment section.

(Trainings were co-hosted by TAASA and local rape crisis centers: San Antonio-Rape Crisis Center, Tyler-East Texas Crisis Center, Abilene-Regional Crime Victim Crisis Center, South Padre Island-Family Crisis Center.)

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