Dec
28
Breaking Free from Family Hate
Tags: race, social justice, youth
Filed Under Motivating Moments | By Tim Love | Leave a Comment
I just ran across this article in the Intelligence Report, a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center, that tells the story of children rejecting the hate that their parents espouse. As we think about our primary prevention efforts across the state, we can be encouraged by the bravery and sense of justice these children choose to portray in spite of their parents, and we can learn an important lesson about the need for comprehensive efforts that work to change attitudes across entire communities, not just within individuals.
“Overall, there’s not a lot of evidence that, at least in the long term, kids get their prejudice from their parents,” said Charles Stangor, who runs the Laboratory for the Study of Social Stereotyping and Prejudice at the University of Maryland. “I would call it more of a community effect than a parental effect. The community fosters tolerance or prejudice.”
We must remember that working with parents is only a part of the answer, but alone will not make the kind of lasting change we all hope for to end sexual violence. It really does take a village to raise a child, and it takes a village based on equity and justice, where violence of any kind is not a solution, but rather is condemned, to raise a child who can reject hate and prejudice taught at home to become leaders for positive social change.
What can we do, you and I, to build communities that raise peaceful, kind and courageous children?
Dec
22
See, That’s What I’m Talking About
Tags: gender socialization
Filed Under Uncategorized | By Tim Love | Leave a Comment
I often mention gender role socialization (and strict gender roles) as a risk factor in conversations I have with people about the primary prevention of sexual violence. Many people nod their heads, but I suspect that they don’t really know exactly what I mean by that phrase – but leave it to children to provide an example…
My oldest daughter (she’s 4), told me a couple of days ago that she doesn’t like pink anymore and that she only likes “boy colors” – which in my daughter’s world include red, blue and green, but definitely not purple or pink. When asked why she didn’t like those colors, or more importantly, why she thought of those colors as “boy” and “girl” colors, she told me that her cousin (who is a 6-year-old female) told her, and that her cousin only likes “boy colors.”
AHHH! So there it is. Our society clings to the binary, dividing everything into two categories (male – female, white – nonwhite) and then forcing everyone into one or the other, or to pick one or the other. My daughter is succumbing to peer pressure at 4 to drop her favorite color;, pink, which is likely at least partially her favorite color because of the pressure to like “girl colors.†Peer pressure is coming from her older cousin who has accepted her socialization and divided colors into two gender-based color categories – “boy colors†and “girl colors.†To complicate things even more, my niece has resisted the messages she’s received and chosen “boy colors†as her favorite, despite being a girl (resist sister, resist). If you’re head is spinning, imagine mine as I try to navigate the parenting maze to find a way to get my 4-year-old to stand up for her own beliefs and be true to herself, while examining the messages she receives and how she internalizes them. (Is pink really your favorite or is it just because the Disney princesses love pink?)
Do you have a story to share about witnessing gender role socialization firsthand, or do you have any advice for a struggling (haven’t given up yet) parent trying to pass on the skills to navigate such a complex world?
Oh, and by the way, my daughter is now back to loving pink. Yay???