Jun
30
Youth as Partners in Anti-Violence Work
Tags: activism, youth
Filed Under Motivating Moments | By Tim Love | Leave a Comment
I was able to stand in a circle with 22 youth and several adults and sing the theme song to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air last week. That’s right all you fans of Will Smith and 1990s sitcoms, I know the lyrics – do you? “Now this is the story all about how …†Singing (if you want to call it that) was just one part of an amazing morning spent with PODER (People Organized for the Defense of Earth and her Resources) staff and volunteers and the amazing participants in their Young Scholars for Justice program.
Our society has been devaluing and criminalizing youth for a very long time – as Young Scholars for Justice participants have learned and can tell you from experience. The result is that adults often assume the role of teacher, director, mentor and disciplinarian all in one when we engage youth in anti-violence work. These are all positions of power over youth, and this approach leaves them with few roles to take in that work. In addition, adults often believe that youth must be convinced that something is wrong – that they can’t see violence without adults showing it to them. This approach often makes youth reluctant to talk about their experiences and frustrations with injustice and violence with adults. Even with the best of intentions, it comes across as condescending and dismissive.
I remember when I was in college in a class of “non-traditional” students and the teacher told me that I would understand when I got older in response to my disagreement with one of her points. I remember how silenced and small it made me feel. When we try to tell youth how to use their voice, we continue to silence them. It is time we learn to listen, and work with youth in a way that recognizes them as both learners and teachers – as both followers and leaders. In the morning I spent with the youth at PODER and out in the community watching them knock on their neighbor’s doors and talk to their neighbors about the community’s health and safety, I learned more about using my own voice than I’ve learned from any adult in a long time. I want to say thank you to those youth, and to the adults at PODER who work side by side with these youth as equals.
Do you have any thoughts about or experiences working with youth in partnership and based on mutual respect and equity? We’d love to hear them.
Jun
9
Putting Out Fires
Filed Under Uncategorized | By Tim Love | 2 Comments
I have run across statements asserting that drugs and alcohol cause violence, including sexual violence, in a couple of places recently, and I’ve done a lot of thinking around it. And, since I have this vehicle of the blog, I’m gonna share my thoughts and encourage you to share yours so we can figure this out together.
I’ve run into a lot of folks who have drug and alcohol counseling backgrounds who put forth this belief about the causal nature of drugs and alcohol, as well as folks who’ve lived with violence and substance abuse in their lives, so I want to honor their very real experiences. However, it seems to me that alcohol and drug abuse is more of a symptom, an excuse, and at most correlates to violence. I think that most folks would agree that drugs and alcohol lower ones inhibitions, but it is the underlying propensity towards and belief in the validity and right to violence that causes violence. If alcohol is the accelerant that fuels the fire of violence, it is still the fire of violence already burning that must be extinguished if we are to prevent it. If we remove the accelerant (drugs and alcohol) the fire will still burn and people who are violent will find other excuses to justify their violent acts. We know that many people who abuse drugs and alcohol are not violent. Likewise, we know that many people who are violent don’t abuse drugs or alcohol.
As we move forward in our prevention work, we must keep an eye to drug and alcohol abuse as they are factors in many sexual assaults, but we also must remember that the removal of substance abuse will not make our communities safer without first dealing with the underlying violence in individuals, communities and our society as a whole.
I know that not everyone agrees with me, so I really do want to hear your thoughts so that we can have this conversation and learn to understand where each of us is coming from. Maybe we can find a way to talk about drugs and alcohol that allows us to acknowledge its role in sexual violence while maintaining our focus on the underlying conditions that contribute to violence.
Jun
3
An Unfair Argument: Sonia Sotomayor’s Nomination
Tags: race, Sotomayor
Filed Under Uncategorized | By Rose Luna | 2 Comments
The issue of cultural biases is normally met with much resistance. Exploring the implications and roles biases play in contemporary society is more often than not deemed unnecessary. The nomination of Sonia Sotomayor for the Supreme Court has caused a stir amongst critics. Suddenly and conveniently the role of cultural bias is front and center. On NPR last week, detractors attributed the potential role of cultural and ethnic biases as the basis for their apprehension to Sotomayor’s nomination. Sotomayor has argued that past Supreme Courts have voted to uphold race and sex discrimination, later found unconstitutional. Are the issues of cultural biases a legitimate concern or a unique perspective?
Gender and race are characteristics beyond our control. The focus on race and gender as an impairment is unfair and disturbing, but not surprising. In the past, arguments over the interpretation of the law were based on conservative or liberal tendencies. Is the debate regarding cultural/ ethnic biases surrounding the first Hispanic woman nominated for the U.S. Supreme Court the ultimate act of discrimination? Addressing the issue of biases in the work we do is important, however, as a trainer on this topic I am appalled at the context in which this concern has surfaced.
The implication that a woman of color’s perspective limits her ability to objectively interpret the law is troubling. The uncontested biases ascribed to white privileged males have historically plagued the judicial system. This newfound concern is artificial, insincere and ironic. The implications of a person’s perspective on a decision at that level and its effect on society have largely been ignored… until now. My question is, why now? Unfortunately, the answer is obvious.
Jun
2
Speaking Up is Hard to Do
Filed Under Uncategorized | By Wende Hilsenrod | Leave a Comment
Three things happened to me recently, in rapid succession. First, at a conference I was approached by several college and university counselors about the code of “not being a rat†that seems to be prevalent in many fraternities, sororities, sports teams and corps of cadets. Second, a military trainer told me that, at best, bystander intervention training is a band-aid. Finally, I voiced a concern about an incident with a peer, and even though I voiced the truth, I felt uncomfortable.
In the first two incidents my first thoughts were, “this population, our future, have learned not to speak up or speak out against injustice. Are there more and possibly worse cases that will make Enron and Gitmo look tame?†In the third incident, I was surprised to find that I felt like I had betrayed my peer, which made me the outcast. And even though I had done nothing wrong, I felt sick to my stomach.
“Children should be seen and not heard.†“We do not wash our dirty laundry in public.†“Because I said so!†“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything,†the adults in my life warned. These childhood teachings contributed to my silence, secret keeping and collusion with wrongdoers, even when I knew speaking up was necessary. Even though it meant “betraying†my family’s values.
There is a dictum in most psychological and recovery theories: “You are only as sick as your secrets.†I refuse to let my role as an advocate, as a trainer, as a person, to be nothing more than empty words, no matter how uneasy I feel. What about you? Will you speak out?
Jun
1
No Bleachers
Tags: masculinity
Filed Under Uncategorized | By Tim Love | Leave a Comment
An article I was reading the other day reminded me of a term I’ve heard used often. There was a reference to the type of man often mentioned within the men’s movement against violence – the “well-intentioned†man. This term refers to a man who would never act with violence against women or children, but who also wouldn’t see why he should be involved in the movement to end violence, and would certainly never call himself a “feminist.†I mean that would be weird to be a male man-hater, right? (Until you get to know me a little better, I’ll continue to indicate when I’m being sarcastic, as I am now doing.) These men are treated as the “holy grail” of the men’s non-violence movement – as in if we could just get them engaged, violence would end. They are thought of as on the sidelines, neutral. They are treated gently (we don’t want to scare them away or make them feel unwanted), and seldom held accountable for the role they play in violence.
Here’s my problem with the concept of “well-intentioned†men – no one is in the bleachers watching this violence happen in our communities. We are all contributing to the violence and we are all victimized by it, though some of us perpetrate and perpetuate the violence more consistently and some of us are victimized much more often than others. These “well-intentioned†men need our help to see the ways in which they (/we, as in my case) enjoy certain privileges as a result of inequity, injustice and violence. They must be held accountable for the ways in which they embrace and perpetuate those privileges. It is not enough to encourage men to intervene when they see violence and oppression, they need to do their own work to address the violence and oppression they have been taught, have internalized and contribute. If they are on the sidelines, then I submit to you that they are on the sidelines of the wrong team – of violence and inequity. As long as they are on the sidelines of that team, they can be called onto the field at a moment’s notice.
How do we create spaces that are inclusive and inviting to men who don’t think of men’s violence as “their†issue, while still making sure to hold them accountable for their contribution to violence and inequity? What tools do men need to challenge their own privilege, violence and sexism?