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Yesterday, we organized a press conference on House Bill 167, that would allow crime victims to give an oral victim impact statement before a sentence is decided. The press conference was a success, thanks to the author of HB 167, Representative Elliot Naishtat, and Victor Rice, whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver in 2007, who both spoke. As I write this, the press conference is the top story on KVUE.com! You can watch the coverage here.

HB167 will be heard on the House floor tomorrow! Now is the time to call your state Senators and Representatives and ask them to support it. This is the fifth session this bill has been heard; don’t let it die now.

The press conference followed the Crime Victims Rights Week event, organized by a committee of local and statewide victim advocacy groups, headed by Mothers Against Drunk Driving. The event honored crime victims and featured Attorney General Greg Abbott as keynote speaker.

On Tuesday night I went to see Seal in Austin at the Bass Concert Hall, and Peter Cincotti was the opening act. The first song he sang was this gem, called “Be Careful.” I apologize for the poor video quality, but this was the best audio I could find on youtube.

About a minute in, I was already cracking up. This guy is threatened by something as small as a woman paying for a meal and walking him home? Seriously? I have to say the best part, though, is when he compares men to lions and women to deer. Let me get this straight, now men and women are not only “opposite” sexes, but apparently different species altogether? I guess that’s better than the whole men are from Mars, women are from Venus thing.

Unsurprisingly, the song following his ode to “natural” gender roles was called “Cinderella Beautiful.” Needless to say, you won’t find me lining up to buy this album. For the full lyrics – Read more

by Morgan J Curtis and Tim Love

We’ve had some questions recently about a lot of the terms we use when we train about issues related to sexual orientation, especially homophobia, heterosexism, and queer (yes, we went there, we said queer). We wanted to clarify why we use the terms we do and maybe start a convo about them as well.

Here’s the thing: there really isn’t a term for the oppression of or prejudice against people based on sexual orientation that is the equivalent of sexism, racism, classism, ableism, etc. We have words to touch upon some of the nuances related to oppression on the basis of sexual orientation but no single term that really tells the whole story of oppression. “Homophobia” isn’t quite right. It gives us insight into a potential cause of oppression, but it doesn’t describe the oppression itself – the institutional denial of rights, safety and full expression of self. Some people don’t like the term homophobia because they feel that referring to this phenomenon as a “phobia” (i.e., an intense and potentially irrational fear) of people who engage in same sex relationships is a bit extreme and inaccurate. We can see something in that argument, however, we believe there’s something to this whole “phobia” idea, especially since one of us was told not too long ago that Texas needed to constitutionally ban same-sex marriage so “the gay” didn’t spread like the cancer it is.

So, what about heterosexism? This is a word we really like but, again, it doesn’t really get to the heart of the matter. Heterosexism refers to the belief that heterosexuality is the normal and acceptable sexual orientation and that anything other than a narrow view of heterosexuality is abnormal, and therefore wrong. (For example, the way we might ask a man we just met if he has a wife or a girlfriend.) This term is useful, but it doesn’t quite describe the venom and hatred toward people who aren’t heterosexual our society exhibits. It also doesn’t quite account for the fear, hatred and violence directed at people who don’t conform to societal expectations for sexual orientation and gender expression.
Read more

Online predators are grand manipulators. They prey on the vulnerable and lure victims by telling them exactly what is needed to alienate them from their community. Rescued victims say these perpetrators tell them things like: “I would never talk to you that way;” “Have I ever said anything to hurt you?”; “You are perfect just the way you are;” and “I understand you completely.”

How then do we prevent our children from becoming victims? There are programs, filters and blocking technology that limit computer access to sites or chat rooms, but cell phones have internet and photo capabilities. Xbox systems come with webcams. If sites are blocked at home, a teen can visit a friend’s house or go online at school. The list goes on and on. As technology grows the list will grow too. Reactive or punitive measures do not deter youth.

When did we stop listening to what youth tell us? Rescued victims have told us what it is that they longed to hear and felt like they got from online predators – unconditional acceptance and love; positive, encouraging messages about who they are. Can we as parents, family, educators and coaches arm them with confidence, self-respect and a sense that they are striving to be best they can, and mistakes will happen? Can we make a communal effort to become a source of positive reinforcement? When a child acts out, makes a mistake, can we say “What made this seem like a good idea? What outcome were you expecting? I know you are smart. I know you learn from your mistakes and will make a different choice next time.” And then talk about options and different outcomes, so the child hears, over and over again in their community, just how special and loved they are. Maybe then, hearing it from a stranger in cyberspace will be nothing special at all.

We have amended our comment policy here at “Speaking Out.” Please take a moment to review the policy below (the addition is in bold). Thanks!

We welcome differing views, as long as they are respectful. Hate speech, including, but not limited to, racist, sexist or homophobic comments will not be tolerated. Commenters should refrain from personal attacks and focus on the ideas being discussed. Additionally, comments including identifying information about survivors of sexual violence (other than self-disclosure) will be deleted.

We require that commenters provide a valid email address. The reason for this is so that we may maintain a positive, safe environment for everyone. When we blog, you all know who we are, so we are held accountable for what we say. We believe that requiring a valid email address extends a certain degree of accountability to our commenters as well.

If you have any questions or comments about this policy, please contact Melissa.

Joe Carr is an Austin-based activist, educator, and performer. He currently works with underprivileged boys and young men doing case management, theatre, hip-hop, gardening and violence prevention. Joe wrote the following spoken word piece for International Women’s Day and I saw him perform it live at Take Back the Night on UT’s campus last month:

Hand Me a Hammer by Joe Carr

For the transcript, Read more

Abstinence only vs. comprehensive sex education is a topic of heated debate however, in a small rural Texas town both may be missing the point. The numbers are astonishing:

- Number of students grade 7 to 12 = 179
- 14 pregnant + 14 fathers = 28 students directly affected
- Three are pregnant for the second time
- Two of the pregnant teens are 8th graders.

The impact of teenage pregnancy on a small school is devastating. Abstaining from or education about sex misses the point. I personally gave a comprehensive sex ed talk to one of the girls and to my dismay discovered she was pregnant six months later (for the second time). The problem is much deeper than awareness campaigns and pep talks.

I realize the intent of both programs are specific to conversations around sex, however teen pregnancy is one of the results in which programs are measured and therein lies my point. Houston! We STILL have a problem! Neither abstinence only nor sex education addresses core issues leading not only to teen pregnancy but also to dating violence, harassment, lack of gender respect and gay bashing. Underlying messages are powerful and impact behavior. Whether it comes from peers, parents or the media, expectations are set and outcomes follow suit.

The intent of this entry is not to argue abstinence only vs. comprehensive sex education (for the record I believe in a comprehensive sex education program that includes a healthy dialogue on sexual orientation), but to voice my concern for the lack of initiatives addressing self esteem, respect and acceptance amongst youth. Destructive messages bombard teenagers on any given day. What is being done to counteract them? I am interested in hearing about existing programs addressing destructive attitudes.

During Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, there tends to be an increase in the number of media stories that talk about the dynamics of sexual assault. Unfortunately, many of them incorrectly label risk reduction strategies as prevention.

Encouraging women not to drink so that they aren’t victimized is not prevention. Framing a story this way (around the premise that drinking increases a person’s risk of being sexually assaulted) ignores a vital component: the perpetrator. A sexual assault is not something that happens to a person as a result of drinking (the way alcohol poisoning or a hangover might). The same is true for any other risk factor for sexual assault. Another person must decide to exploit the situation and commit an act of violence. If we’re going to talk about prevention, we must look at the factors that influence perpetration.

This article from the Tyler Junior College paper in Tyler, Texas, included a quote from Campus Safety Chief Randy Melton, “A majority of our students are at very high risk of being victimized, partly because of age and the places they go.” Melton doesn’t recognize that for every victim on his campus, there is also a perpetrator. And since most rapes are committed by someone known to the victim, many of the rapists are also students. I don’t mean to single out Melton for criticism; I’m sure his intentions are good. But his framing of the issue demonstrates a large-scale misunderstanding of the dynamics of sexual assault within our communities. Read more

Every few years or so it seems that e-mails tend to recycle. I wanted to dispel some of the most egregious points made in one particular e-mail, often called “Through a Rapist’s Eyes (No Joke).”

Rapists look for VULNERABILITES, not hairstyle or clothing. To think that hairstyle or clothing will keep a person safe is a way to subtly blame the victim for the actions of the rapist. The “stereotypical” rapist, those rapists who attack strangers, account for 7% of reported rapes. A person is more likely to be raped by someone they know at least casually (93% of reported rapes). This debunks just about every stereotype about rapists. This also means that the rapist uses instrumental, not gratuitous violence; multiple strategies to make the victim more vulnerable; and the weapon of choice is usually drugs and/or alcohol, not guns or knives. This is not only a violent crime; it is also a betrayal of trust.

What is common between both stranger and non-stranger rape is that the crime is carried out in secret, the setting is to the rapist’s liking and the rapist does exactly what he/she wants, if the rapist thinks they can get away.

The best self defense is awareness and correct information, talked about and shared with friends, neighbors and loved ones. This can help start conversations and give everyone some tools to start fighting the silent epidemic of rape.

For more information and statistics on rape check out the FBI’s Uniform Crime Reports, the Department of Justice’s website, or the National Center for Victims of Crime.

I have spent an inordinate amount of time lately talking about gender roles within my social circles (which is thought-provoking, but also exhausting). As I’ve said before, I believe that gender role socialization should be eradicated. One reader recently criticized the blogging I’ve done on the topic, and argued that I haven’t adequately explained my position.

My initial (knee-jerk) response was that this blog can’t do everything; we don’t have the time or resources to explain every aspect of every concept – if someone wants to learn more, there are plenty of resources out there. I still believe that is true, but I do agree that this issue should be discussed in more depth since even people within our movement have vastly varying opinions on it.

So, what do I mean when I say that gender roles (or, more precisely, gender role socialization) should be eradicated?
Read more

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