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A colleague shared this story with me about Lily Munir (pictured left), an Indonesian woman who runs the Center for Pesantren and Democracy Studies in Jakarta. The center works to challenge traditional gender norms and the way that the Koran is often used to justify the oppression of women. Munir teaches her students that the Koran advocates empowerment of women, not subjugation. To combat gender inequities, the center’s three schools teach seminars on women’s health and gender equality in addition to classic Islamic instruction. Munir even includes seminars on sexual abuse, a taboo subject. I really enjoyed reading about Munir and her center, especially since the mainstream media typically focuses so heavily on radical Islamists and stereotypes of Muslim women. Please take a few moments to read the entire article about this powerful woman, Lily Munir.

My boss passed along this great article about a young woman who is playing football for the Prairie Lea High School football team. Kasey Rose was hooked on the game after playing in a powder puff game and decided to quit cheerleading and play football instead. Not only is this young woman breaking gender norms at her school, but according to the article in the Post Register, she has the full support of her coach and teammates. So often, we put up barriers that prevent people from following dreams that seem out of the norm for their gender. I am motivated both by the young woman’s willingness to take a risk and do something she loves and the support she has received for doing so.

As you may know, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It is a time designated to honor and remember victims of domestic violence as well as a time to talk about the size of the problem and what to do to prevent it from happening in the first place. I feel it is a time for introspection and self awareness. It is an opportunity for me to examine my own words, actions, behaviors, and beliefs in a critical way.

Are there ways that I am contributing to the problem of domestic violence? Are there things that I do or say (or don’t do or don’t say for that matter) that make domestic violence a viable option in society? Sadly, I find the answer to be yes. As an advocate and activist who works to prevent domestic violence and sexual assault, it is very difficult to admit that. Of course I don’t directly perpetrate verbal, emotional, physical or sexual violence against my partner. However, there are times when I have remained silent when I heard another man making a sexist joke. I have remained silent when family or friends told my four-year-old son not to cry when he is upset. I have purchased music CDs that contain lyrics that objectify, degrade and sexualize women and listened to radio stations that have advertisements and promotional events that do the same.

Do any of these things, if isolated, incite a single act of domestic violence? Not likely. My guess is that they actually seem fairly innocuous at a glance. At worst, they are considered to be in bad taste and frequently they are simply ignored. I have heard people say “if you don’t like what you hear on the radio, change the station” or “when I heard that joke I just tried to ignore it.” Upon closer inspection, however, these examples do a tremendous amount of damage because they reinforce gendered social norms. The messages we receive are that women’s value in society is connected to their sexuality and their bodies and that men are supposed to be tough, strong, powerful and always in control. When we multiply these examples by the millions of times they occur in society every day of our lives and by all of the other examples being proliferated in the media and by people in positions of power, we have a culture that allows domestic and sexual violence to not only exist, but become more normalized.

I hope that Domestic Violence Awareness Month will inspire you to do some critical thinking of your own. Perhaps you will feel the need to examine ways you might also be part of the problem. Mahatma Gandhi said “To change the world, you must first change yourself.” Hopefully this will also motivate you to speak out against the root causes of domestic and sexual violence. We all must speak out and speak loudly. If we choose to ignore the problem, the silence will be deafening.

In keeping with the theme of GLBT history month, I thought I would share the additional “That’s So Gay” PSAs that have been posted on YouTube. My very favorite one is below. I like this one because I feel like it makes a point about disparaging who someone is, rather than disparaging something a person likes or prefers. (Besides, this one made me laugh. You can also view one with Wanda Sykes.)

Now, here’s the real issue. I made the mistake of reading through the comments under the video and there was a lively discussion about whether or not it was worth the money to produce these ads because a silly phrase like “that’s so gay” really isn’t the most pressing issue for the LGBTQI community. Of course, there are also people arguing that these are just words, so why make a big deal about it? These are not new debates, but the consistent representations of either/or thinking constantly amazes me. The thing is, no one expects these PSAs to change the use of language overnight, much less eradicate homophobia. Change happens slowly and requires multiple strategic efforts. These PSAs are meant to encourage folks to think critically about how their words hurt other people, and, in this case, what those words represent. I would assume that in making this ad, part of the intention was to spark critical thinking and reflection beyond just the implication of saying, “that’s so gay.” Read more

Today is Blog Action Day 2008 and the topic is poverty.

The fall/winter 2006 Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape Pinnacle newsletter has several articles that explore the link between poverty and sexual violence. It’s vital for anti-sexual violence advocates to understand poverty both as a consequence of sexual violence and as a root cause, and these articles are a great place to start.

In honor of GLBT History Month, the Equality Forum is honoring 31 GLBT icons, one for each day of the month. They produced this video (which will change every day, so come back often!), compiled bibliographies and resources. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and queer people are all too often made invisible in our culture. When an LGBTQI person becomes successful or famous, that aspect of their identity is often ignored by the mainstream media, so it’s great to learn about a month’s worth of GLBT icons. In addition to learning about 2008′s icons, you can also view past honorees in the archives.

Via Feministing, I saw this PSA featuring Hilary Duff about the “that’s so gay” insult. It brought a smile to my face, so I thought I’d share. It isn’t perfect, Hilary’s comparison at the end certainly isn’t the best way to explain what’s wrong with the statement. Still, the PSA still has the potential to start conversations and points out that words matter.

Geeta Cowlagi, my teacher, mentor and friend is one of the most powerful women I know. Geeta (pictured with me in 2006), founded the Voices Against Violence Peer Theater, a program that uses interactive theatre techniques to educate the campus and community about sexual assault, dating violence and stalking, at the University of Texas in 2001. She is also founder and director of Interpersonal Peer Programs (IPP) Consulting, which utilizes peer theatre as a training tool for exploring interpersonal violence and diversity issues at college campuses and organizations.

One of the most striking things about working with Geeta is her ability to fiercely challenge those around her without triggering defensiveness. She has amazing charisma that allows her to confront people’s attitudes and beliefs – things most people hold very dear – while keeping them engaged. She draws on her own personal experiences with a bravery that always inspires me. Time and time again, Geeta has forced me to re-examine my belief system and confront my own biases while never seeming preachy or judgmental. Her passion for her work is immense and obvious to everyone who meets her; I couldn’t even begin to guess how many people she has impacted. For all of these reasons, her teaching skills are, in my opinion, unparalleled.

I had what I consider to be my “feminist awakening” as a junior in college when I joined VAV. I considered myself a feminist before that, but hadn’t yet begun to truly understand systemic oppression and its connection to interpersonal violence (and many other issues). A myriad of experiences contributed to my “awakening,” but more than anything else, I credit Geeta’s wisdom and guidance. My experience in VAV led me to where I am now, and I am eternally grateful for that. To me, Geeta is an icon: strong, passionate, wise, courageous and powerful.

From the New York Times, “The Supreme Court on Wednesday amended but let stand its June decision striking down the death penalty for child rapists.”

I’m glad to hear that the Supreme Court stands by its original ruling, since allowing the death penalty for child rapists may have serious unintended consequences.

The Southern Poverty Law Center has identified 69 different hate groups within the state of Texas. There are almost as many hate groups in Texas as there are rape crisis centers.

What do hate groups have in common with sexual assault? Any belief system that lessens the worth of one group because of color, religious belief, ableism, gender, sexual orientation, age or ethnicity is also likely to include sexual entitlement over the victim(s). For example, no one knows how many hate crime incidents include sexual assault as part of the overall oppression of the individual, but there are many examples.

Not surprisingly, there are also similarities between hate crimes and sexual assault in the way these events affect the victim.

• Both crimes can target traditionally disempowered groups.
• Both crimes can intimidate an entire community of people with shared characteristics by attacking an individual.
• Both crimes can traumatize victims, leaving people feeling isolated, vulnerable and unprotected.
• Both crimes function to maintain the status quo.
• Both crimes can make victims fearful that their situation will never change.

When a person’s daily life is tinged with fear, it’s hard to perceive that substantive change can occur. Consider the pervasive fear and threat of violence and sexual assault that women live with every day. Fear impacts a targeted person’s ability to freely move through society, to travel, to challenge the status quo. In fact, defining rape and intimate partner violence as individual, isolated crimes may actually obscure the broader social impact.

All interpersonal violence is part of an ongoing and wide-reaching systemic problem. Violence and threat of violence harms a broader network of people beyond than those named in the police report. It is time to utilize primary prevention as a tool to change the systemic and cultural beliefs and attitudes that contribute to the violence in our society.

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