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by Tim Love and Morgan J Curtis

We promised to do a follow-up to the anti-homophobia pledge, and just when you were probably starting to give up on us, we are finally making good on our word.

So, we tried really diligently to come up with a nice round list of ten. And then, we thought to ourselves “Selves, why are we trying to adhere to some externally-imposed norm that lists like this have to be in tens or fives?” Forget that. Below are the six ideas that seemed important to use at this time as a follow-up to the resolution poster earlier. And if you are still hung up on the externally-imposed idea that lists should be in multiples of five, then please feel free to send us four or nine or fourteen (you get the idea) more ideas that really speak to you. It’s obviously not an exhaustive list, but it’s a good start.

1. Notice your language – Does your language suggest an assumption that everyone is heterosexual? Do you ask women about boyfriends and husbands or men about wives and girlfriends without knowing their sexual orientation? For example, an instructor in a class Morgan was taking always said, “when you go home to your kids or your spouse…” Using terms like “spouse” are meant to cover both men and women who might be married, however, when marriage is only available to a certain segment of the population, it also inherently leaves out people who might be in committed relationships without the option of marriage, or who have chosen not to get married (and we can talk about that in a different blog post). In contrast, a different instructor would refer instead to people’s “partners” when discussing romantic relationships. These two different approaches set a very different tone in interactions and can be the difference between making people feel welcome or making them feel alienated. It might seem like a small issue, but language is a very strong component in setting and perpetuating norms. What kind of language do you use? Also, some heterosexual individuals have chosen to use the term “partner” to refer to the person they are in a romantic relationship with, rather than referring to the person as their wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend. (Note: If you make the choice to use the term “partner”, resist the urge to correct people if they assume you are not heterosexual. Use the opportunity, instead, to talk to the person about why they shouldn’t make assumptions.) Read more

Injustice is a difficult thing to talk about.  Sometimes we feel it all around us, but can’t point at any one event or characteristic of our world and say, “There it is.”  It can deeply affect how we feel inside, and yet because we can’t always name it or explain the feeling, it can get stuck inside of us and feed destructive anger and paralyzing despair.  

In the history of social movements, music has often been the one vehicle that can accomplish the complete expression of injustice – put to words our thoughts and emotions and release and express the anger, pain and despair that sits within our stomachs, allowing our very souls a voice so often silenced.  This release and expression allows our spirits to be uplifted and often helps us find a clear path for action.  For me, it has been singers like Pete Seeger, whom I saw perform at a protest in Fort Benning, Ga., Ani Difranco, Rage Against the Machine and, recently, the Flobots and Eliza Gilkyson.  For many of those who struggled for civil rights in the 1960′s, that voice was that of Odetta, who passed away in New York yesterday at the age of 77.  A Reuter’s story quotes “The Times” as saying that Rosa Parks was once asked which songs meant the most to her.  Rosa’s reply was, “All the songs that Odetta sings.”  The poet Maya Angelou once said “If only one could be sure that every 50 years a voice and a soul like Odetta’s would come along, the centuries would pass so quickly and painlessly we would hardly recognize time.” 

To find out more about the amazing voice, message and life of Odetta please check out the Reuter’s story above or simply google “Odetta.”  Also, you can listen to some of her music, including “O Freedom” which she sang at the Civil Rights March in 1963.

Have you discovered a song or singer who gives full expression to the injustice, or the good, you feel and see in the world around you? 

written by Tim Love and Morgan J Curtis

TAASA has recommitted itself to social justice work, thus moving our anti-oppression work to the forefront of our efforts. As we have taken our anti-oppression approach to sexual violence prevention out into the communities and rape crisis centers across the state, we’ve discovered many programs and communities struggling with both oppression in their community and ways to get their organizations to support social justice work in concrete ways. Inspired by the TAASA membership resolution process, we decided to create a personal resolution to address two interrelated forms of oppression that are closely linked to sexual violence – heterosexism and homophobia. We hope you will find the resolution a useful tool as you work to address homophobia in your life, within the organizations you work with and in your community as a whole.

The following resolution highlights some key problems with homophobia and heterosexism, including its impact on all people, regardless of sexual orientation. There are a variety of ways this resolution could be used. Hanging it up in your office could spark conversations with co-workers and community partners. Sharing it with people during your anti-oppression and prevention trainings gives them an opportunity to take action in a meaningful way, something that people often seek after attending such trainings.

How else can you envision using this resolution? Are there any key points that you think were not included in the resolution?

Stay tuned for a follow-up post on additional ways the resolution can be used as well as tips for how to carry out your commitment to ending homophobia and heterosexism. Please indicate in the comments section if you post this commitment and where you post it.

You can download a pdf of the resolution here.

My Commitment

Whereas homophobia is a contributing factor to sexual violence, and

Whereas homophobia contributes to the strict gender norm socialization that leads to violence in many forms, including sexual violence, and

Whereas the oppression of any group of people contributes to the oppression of all people, and

Whereas homophobia hinders the full expression of all peoples’ humanity, and

Whereas homophobia impedes the formation of healthy bonds between people of all genders, and

Whereas homophobia and heterosexism stifle the formation and expression of healthy sexuality for all people, and

Whereas fighting homophobia is consistent with my commitment to actively confront and respond to all forms of oppression as they relate to sexual violence,

Therefore, be it resolved that I will actively support the rights of all people, regardless of sexual orientation and actively oppose homophobia and heterosexism in all its forms.

Normally, when we think of the word “power,” or people who are powerful, we think of political leaders, public figures or athletes.  Usually, we think of men.  For many of us, we’ve learned to look beyond public figures, athletes and men to the women in our lives: partners, mothers, grandparents, teachers, etc. for examples of power.  As I think about the women in my life who have been or seemed powerful, or who have taught me about power, the list gets unmanageably long, and it is filled with people who fit into all of the categories listed above.  There’s my partner who’s shown me the power of overcoming anything and anyone who stands in her way.  There’s my mother who has shown me the power of intellect and education.  My grandmothers taught me the power of family and love and the will to go on when their great loves were gone.  Then there’s my ninth grade English teacher who taught me the power of words and someone believing in you.  The list goes on and on.  However, as I looked carefully at the definition of power, two young women come to my mind as two of the most powerful women in my life. 

There are several aspects of the definition of power in the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.  The first part of the definition is the “ability to act or produce an effect.”  The two young, powerful women who come to mind can produce an effect in anyone around them effortlessly.  They have a contagious energy that inspires, if not requires, immediate action.  Everything they do has meaning and purpose, and that meaning and purpose comes from within, whether or not it makes sense to the people around them.  Though they are small in stature and soft in voice (most of the time), they command attention in any room they enter, and they speak in straightforward truths and with the beauty of unspoiled idealism, with a touch of fantasy.  They are always dreaming of, and speaking into existence, a new, better world, and those around them can’t help but start to believe too.  Read more

My boss passed along this great article about a young woman who is playing football for the Prairie Lea High School football team. Kasey Rose was hooked on the game after playing in a powder puff game and decided to quit cheerleading and play football instead. Not only is this young woman breaking gender norms at her school, but according to the article in the Post Register, she has the full support of her coach and teammates. So often, we put up barriers that prevent people from following dreams that seem out of the norm for their gender. I am motivated both by the young woman’s willingness to take a risk and do something she loves and the support she has received for doing so.

As you may know, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It is a time designated to honor and remember victims of domestic violence as well as a time to talk about the size of the problem and what to do to prevent it from happening in the first place. I feel it is a time for introspection and self awareness. It is an opportunity for me to examine my own words, actions, behaviors, and beliefs in a critical way.

Are there ways that I am contributing to the problem of domestic violence? Are there things that I do or say (or don’t do or don’t say for that matter) that make domestic violence a viable option in society? Sadly, I find the answer to be yes. As an advocate and activist who works to prevent domestic violence and sexual assault, it is very difficult to admit that. Of course I don’t directly perpetrate verbal, emotional, physical or sexual violence against my partner. However, there are times when I have remained silent when I heard another man making a sexist joke. I have remained silent when family or friends told my four-year-old son not to cry when he is upset. I have purchased music CDs that contain lyrics that objectify, degrade and sexualize women and listened to radio stations that have advertisements and promotional events that do the same.

Do any of these things, if isolated, incite a single act of domestic violence? Not likely. My guess is that they actually seem fairly innocuous at a glance. At worst, they are considered to be in bad taste and frequently they are simply ignored. I have heard people say “if you don’t like what you hear on the radio, change the station” or “when I heard that joke I just tried to ignore it.” Upon closer inspection, however, these examples do a tremendous amount of damage because they reinforce gendered social norms. The messages we receive are that women’s value in society is connected to their sexuality and their bodies and that men are supposed to be tough, strong, powerful and always in control. When we multiply these examples by the millions of times they occur in society every day of our lives and by all of the other examples being proliferated in the media and by people in positions of power, we have a culture that allows domestic and sexual violence to not only exist, but become more normalized.

I hope that Domestic Violence Awareness Month will inspire you to do some critical thinking of your own. Perhaps you will feel the need to examine ways you might also be part of the problem. Mahatma Gandhi said “To change the world, you must first change yourself.” Hopefully this will also motivate you to speak out against the root causes of domestic and sexual violence. We all must speak out and speak loudly. If we choose to ignore the problem, the silence will be deafening.

In keeping with the theme of GLBT history month, I thought I would share the additional “That’s So Gay” PSAs that have been posted on YouTube. My very favorite one is below. I like this one because I feel like it makes a point about disparaging who someone is, rather than disparaging something a person likes or prefers. (Besides, this one made me laugh. You can also view one with Wanda Sykes.)

Now, here’s the real issue. I made the mistake of reading through the comments under the video and there was a lively discussion about whether or not it was worth the money to produce these ads because a silly phrase like “that’s so gay” really isn’t the most pressing issue for the LGBTQI community. Of course, there are also people arguing that these are just words, so why make a big deal about it? These are not new debates, but the consistent representations of either/or thinking constantly amazes me. The thing is, no one expects these PSAs to change the use of language overnight, much less eradicate homophobia. Change happens slowly and requires multiple strategic efforts. These PSAs are meant to encourage folks to think critically about how their words hurt other people, and, in this case, what those words represent. I would assume that in making this ad, part of the intention was to spark critical thinking and reflection beyond just the implication of saying, “that’s so gay.” Read more

The Southern Poverty Law Center has identified 69 different hate groups within the state of Texas. There are almost as many hate groups in Texas as there are rape crisis centers.

What do hate groups have in common with sexual assault? Any belief system that lessens the worth of one group because of color, religious belief, ableism, gender, sexual orientation, age or ethnicity is also likely to include sexual entitlement over the victim(s). For example, no one knows how many hate crime incidents include sexual assault as part of the overall oppression of the individual, but there are many examples.

Not surprisingly, there are also similarities between hate crimes and sexual assault in the way these events affect the victim.

• Both crimes can target traditionally disempowered groups.
• Both crimes can intimidate an entire community of people with shared characteristics by attacking an individual.
• Both crimes can traumatize victims, leaving people feeling isolated, vulnerable and unprotected.
• Both crimes function to maintain the status quo.
• Both crimes can make victims fearful that their situation will never change.

When a person’s daily life is tinged with fear, it’s hard to perceive that substantive change can occur. Consider the pervasive fear and threat of violence and sexual assault that women live with every day. Fear impacts a targeted person’s ability to freely move through society, to travel, to challenge the status quo. In fact, defining rape and intimate partner violence as individual, isolated crimes may actually obscure the broader social impact.

All interpersonal violence is part of an ongoing and wide-reaching systemic problem. Violence and threat of violence harms a broader network of people beyond than those named in the police report. It is time to utilize primary prevention as a tool to change the systemic and cultural beliefs and attitudes that contribute to the violence in our society.

In a continued effort to bring you positive energy in addition to news which is often quite negative due to the nature of our work, we have instituted Monday Motivating Moments, a place to share motivating, refreshing, and/or cheerful things with you to help start your week off right. These moments will come in the form of songs, poetry, art, stories and more, so stay tuned!

I was at Austin City Limits Music Festival this weekend and had the treat of seeing some of my favorite artists perform, including Austin’s own Patty Griffin. Seeing Patty Griffin perform “Up to the Mountain” live is always an amazing experience, and I thought I would share it as this week’s motivating moment. The song is based on Martin Luther King, Jr.’s famous “I’ve Been to the Mountaintop” speech, delivered the day before his assassination. I think the song is relevant to anyone who is working for social justice.

Usually I blog about incidents that have aggravated or frustrated me in some way, things that show how our culture is a runaway train headed in the wrong directions hurtling us all to our doom. I’m fairly comfortable in that space of doom and gloom. It’s an easy place to be in. However, today I am both pleased and surprised to bring a positive and inspiring message to you all.

A few weeks ago, Robert Jensen sent me an article he was working on based on an interview he conducted with Ruth Anne Koenick, a woman who had a profound impact on his work in the movement to end violence against women. The idea itself struck me as poignant and profound largely because this has become a time where we are honoring fewer and fewer of the women who have been doing this work long term but telling the stories of and giving voice to almost any man who speaks out against violence and sexism. We have stopped honoring women’s role in social change – both the changes that have happened and those that are still to come as we continue to work to dismantle rape culture. In the interview, Koenick has the following to say about how far the movement has come and the challenges we still face.

I think there are some things that are better, but only at a certain level. Yes, there are rape care programs, and there is state and federal funding for a small piece of those programs. Maybe the prosecutor and I know each other well enough to chat and have lunch, but does that mean that the criminal-justice system is any more likely to treat a survivor well, to take her seriously today than years ago? The language has changed — we can say “rape” out loud and teach about it in courses — but has that changed the underlying belief system? People don’t come out of the womb wanting to be rapists nor believing that they are to blame when they are victims, but that’s where so many end up. What does that say about the culture’s belief systems?

Read more

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